


better than me

by halflander



Category: The Ultimate Sidemen
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M, Minishaw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:55:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 23,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24758158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halflander/pseuds/halflander
Summary: Harry Lewis is just having fun. He has no one to try to impress or work for, he’s trying to make the most out of his final years of secondary school.Simon Minter hates his friends and is constantly trying to forget. Due to a mistake, Harry came along and discovered his secret.
Relationships: George Andrew/Alex Elmslie, Harry Lewis & Simon Minter, Harry Lewis/Simon Minter, Wroetoshaw/Miniminter, memeulous/imallexx
Comments: 22
Kudos: 84





	1. headaches and parties do not mix well.

**_harry._ **

The loud music and flashing lights were excruciating to Harry after only 20 minutes of being there. His head was going to shatter into a million pieces if he didn't find any medicine, but the two Callums were nowhere to be seen.

Harry shoved his way through all of the drunk teenagers dancing clumsily which was indeed a very difficult task. He was nearly out of the torture room when he bumped into a couple that was making out.

"Oi, what the fuck do you think you're doing?"

Harry grit his teeth the second he realised he had bumped into Simon Minter. He nearly punched him in the face when he saw he had been making out with none other than Evie, the girl Vik was currently going out with.

"Fuck off Simon," his head was pounding and he felt like he was about to pass out so he shoved him and left without even seeing Simon's face. He wandered up the stairs and finally found Callux in his room, who was ranting to the other Cal, absolutely freaking out.

"My parents are going to fucking kill me when they get back, mate, you don't understand how bad this is!" Lux was pacing around the room and only stopped when he saw Harry throw himself onto his bed.

"Help me," Harry muffled into the pillow, not even bothering to look up. "my head is about to explode, please give me something, anything"

Lux managed to find some advil and gave it to him with the promise that he wouldn't go back downstairs until he felt a bit better. Harry could only agree since he didn't feel like going back anyway, after seeing Simon. He was troubled by it and ended up voicing his thoughts to both of the Cals.

"Hey, you remember that girl Vik was falling in love with?" both Cals nodded and Harry continued, "well, I saw her making out with fucking Simon out of all people"

"Simon? Really?" Lux asked like if he was the last person on Earth to be capable of doing it, although Harry knew better. "It can't be him, Simon knew that they were going out, he would never do that!"

"How are you so sure that he wouldn't?"

"Harry, he's gay," Freezy told him and there was a moment of silence in the room.

"Excuse me, what?" Harry had never been so confused in his entire life. "First of all, he's clearly not because I know what I saw, he'd be a pretty shit homosexual if he was kissing girls. Secondly, you can't just out people like that! If he hasn't told other people like me maybe it's because he doesn't want other people to know!"

After that, both Cals fell quiet and left Harry alone, realising that it was sensitive information they shouldn't have shared with him. When the room was empty, the gears in Harry's began to grind, trying to make sense of the situation.

The only thing that Harry understood was why the Cals knew and he didn't. That was easy. Simon was only friends with the Cals and not him and Vik, he had absolutely no reason to tell them, after all, they barely had conversations as it was.

But, that's when it got confusing. Even though they weren't friends, Simon didn't hate Vik. Simon did hate Harry though, some reason he still wasn't able to decipher. Maybe it had to do with how loud he constantly was, Simon always asked him to shut up whenever they were in the same space. Some people just didn't like Harry and he accepted it, but Vik? Everyone loved Vik.

Vik was always nice to every single person he met, going out of his way to greet people. Simon knew that Vik and Evie were going out so why would he be kissing her now, especially when he was gay?

•

When Harry woke up in a bed that wasn't his, he nearly had a heart attack. He then realised that it was only Cals bed and it was barely 3 o'clock in the morning, he had slept for a measly 4 hours and the party was still going.

Someone had covered him with a blanket while he was sleeping. It was strange but he wasn't going to complain, the window was open so at least he didn't freeze to death.

His headache was finally gone so he casually sauntered to the kitchen, stole a bottle of vodka and retreated to the attic.

Lux's attic was the coolest place in the world. He had transformed it into his own place, it had a tv, video games, bean bags, a mini-fridge and more, it was practically heaven.

He sat down on the rug, turned on the tv and began drinking straight from the bottle he was holding. It was all great until a figure groaned from one of the bean bags, startling Harry.

"Turn the television off you wanker, it's too loud" it groaned and moved a hand around, trying to steal the remote from Harry. Only when he moved to the light after he failed to get it, Harry saw that it was Simon. Just his fucking luck.

"Piss off, I got the controller, I get to choose what to do"

"Fine but you have to give me some of whatever you're drinking because today has been an awful night"

Harry passed the bottle to him silently. Simon took a sip and nearly gasped. "You were drinking fucking vodka like water? Harry, what the fuck, you're not even 16 yet"

"Shut up, Simon. First of all, I'm not even drunk and you're slurring like half of your words, you're not the one to talk. Secondly, you're only a year older, you're not superior or anything"

Simon was indeed very drunk at that moment. He just stuck out his tongue at Harry in a very immature manner and then glued his eyes to the screen.

They were watching some old 80's action movie that was very boring but it didn't matter because Harry wasn't focused on it anyway. This strange encounter with Simon made him even more confused than before, what was happening and how the fuck did he end here.

The only thing this proved is that parties were in fact, no good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ,,,maybe this is 90% based on my own life (replace it with lesbians skjsgshgs) but whatever,,


	2. welcome to hell. population: pricks.

_**simon.** _

_Simon fucking hated JJ. He was a prick._

_Simon fucking hated Josh. He was also a prick._

_Simon fucking hated Tobi. He was yet another prick._

_Simon fucking hated Ethan. He wasn't a prick, he was just an idiot._

_Most importantly, Simon fucking hated himself._

It was usually easy to forget at parties, that was the main reason why he went to them. Down a drink, dance with a stranger, down another drink, maybe dance with another stranger. It was something that worked for Simon and it had worked for the others too, at least until now.

Half an hour before the party, Simon, Josh, Tobi and Ethan met up at JJ's. Simon tuned out almost immediately because they were having their standard conversations which Simon absolutely despised.

JJ was a nice person, he and Simon and known each other for years, but whenever the others were around, he would transform into a massive prick. It truly made Simon's life unbearable, what the fuck did he see in those three idiots? All they did was make racist & homophobic jokes, how was that even humour?

Ever since he realised he was gay, Simon couldn't stand being around them. But it wasn't as if he could leave them either, he couldn't be left all alone after all of those years.

He was grateful that he still has the two Cals, they were the only down to earth people he knew. Simon was actually able to come out to them and they had been incredibly nice and non-prejudicial about it.

Simon still couldn't leave his friend group for them. The Cals were friends with Vik & Harry, and Simon had been nothing near nice with Harry for the past few years.

He didn't know why Harry just managed to get on his nerves constantly. He would talk really loudly in such a fast way and Simon would always have the urge to punch something. He wasn't that bad though, he just told him to shut him up, but it happened so much that he was convinced that Harry must hate him by now.

Somehow, he managed to make it even worse at the party.

•

"if you don't manage to make out with at least five girls tonight, I'm telling everyone that you're gay" JJ whispered into Simon's ear when they arrived at Lux's house.

"What the fuck? I'm not even gay!"

"Don't care, you seem like you are, I haven't seen you kiss a girl ever since you broke up with Talia. Think of this as a dare, if you fail, Tobi, Josh, Ethan and I will throw eggs at you or something. If you win, uh, you would have gotten the prize of actually kissing five girls! How does that sound?"

Simon wanted to punch him. Of course, JJ hadn't thought of this himself, it was clearly the others. Pricks, all of them.

"Fuck, fine, I'll do it" Simon finally muttered before going inside to grab the strongest drink he could find. They hadn't given him any choice and was now in one of the worst moods he had ever been.

After a while, Simon found himself finally kissing someone. She had a familiar face but he couldn't bring himself to remember where he knew her from.

Everything was going great. Well, except for the fact that Simon wasn't attracted to her and she was trying to get him hard for some reason, something which simply wasn't happing. At least JJ had seen them so he had proof of having completed at least part of the dare.

Simon was trying to get into it but it just wasn't working. The girl who's name Simon didn't even know yet was being too touchy for his comfort. Suddenly someone bumped into him and he snapped at them, he was way too angry at his "friends" and took it out at the random person.

It turned out to be Harry.

"Fuck off, Simon" was all he said after staring at him and the girl for a few seconds before leaving.

A few moments after he had gone, something clicked in Simon. The girl was Evie, the one Vik was "kind of" dating. That's why Harry had been so blunt because Simon being rude was something he was already accustomed to. Fuck.

Evie tried to start making out with him again but he immediately pushed her away and left her alone. Simon found JJ who was being annoying again.

"See, finding someone wasn't hard! I'll change the deal a little bit. If you shag someone, then you automatically win. If not, then, eggs."

JJ had to go and make it worse. There was no fucking way Simon was going to lose his goddamn virginity over a stupid fucking bet.

Simon left without saying anything back. He quickly drank whatever the fuck was in his plastic cup and grabbed Evie by the arm.

JJ was too dumb, he didn't remember who Evie was so if Simon left the room with her, JJ would assume that they went to Cal's bedroom.

He sat at the top of the stairs and motioned for her to do the same. "Okay, Evie, why the fuck are you cheating on Vik?"

"What? We're not even dating, I can do what I want" Evie said, moving forward, trying to kiss him again but he managed to dodge her.

"Jesus fucking Christ, just, please don't tell him about that. Go away now, I don't want to fuck you"

She shot him an angry look and went back downstairs, completely ignoring Simon, which was for the best.

He made his way to Cal's room to find the attic key, expecting but not hoping to see a couple on the bed. Instead, he was met with Harry, who was completely knocked out.

Simon smiled, he did look adorable after all. Of course, no one but Harry could sleep through such a loud party. Simon covered him with a blanket and then went to Cal's attic, ready to forget the entire night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry if the English gets confusing at times,,, mine is basically fucked since I lived in England for only three years and now I live in a Spanish speaking country but my mum’s American so,,, yeah,,, I get confused a lot,,,


	3. since when does he even play the guitar?

**_harry._ **

"Are you guys going to sign up for anything this year?" Freezy asked when the four of them were walking to school on their first day of year 12.

"I can't do shit" Lux groaned. "My house was a mess after the party and now I'm grounded for forever"

"I'm not doing anything, can't be bothered. I'm probably going to play warzone every day so there's no point in it." Nobody expected him to anyway, Vik always preferred to play video games than hanging out with people who weren't his friends. "How about you, Harry?"

"I'm definitely going to join the band. I finally can play well enough and I also bought myself an electric guitar in the summer. You don't know how much lawns I had to mow to save up enough money."

Freezy stopped in his tracks. "Excuse me, since when do you even play guitar?"

"I've played it for the past few years," Harry shrugged. "Didn't think it was something important to mention"

"Bet you're awesome at it and you can shred like a motherfucker," Vik laughed and Harry shook his head.

Maybe this year was actually going to be a good one.

.•*

The hours passed as slowly as possible and after an excruciatingly long maths class, the school day was finally over. The moment the bell rang, Harry ran towards the music room.

When he arrived he only saw three boys, two of them were year 11s that he vaguely recognised as Will's friends. The smaller of the two was under the table but Harry didn't question it. The other boy in the room was Stephen, another one of Will's friends but at least Harry knew him and they got along well.

"Ah shit," a man said, entering the classroom. "Please excuse my language, I was just disappointed to see how few we are today. I'm Professor Phil, just call me Phil, and I'm going to try to be a competent music teacher this year. Why don't we start by introducing ourselves, say your names, your ages and the instruments you play"

Phil pointed to Stephen and he began talking. "Uh, my name is Stephen, I'm 16 and I play the keyboard. I can also play drums but I suck at it."

Harry then realised it was his turn to introduce himself. "I'm Harry, I'm 15, and I play the guitar, usually lead."

"I'm James, I'm 15 and I play guitar, bass, and I also sing."

Phil then gestured to the boy under the table, trying to get him to talk.

"Oh, fuck. Okay, I'm Alex, I'm 14 and I'm only here to annoy James but it seems like you need members so I can proudly say I can play the tambourine. And I know, like, four chords on the ukulele."

James chose that moment to throw a rubber at Alex, which bounced off his skull and hit Phil right in the face. It was an incredible icebreaking tactic because the four of them ended up giggling while Phil only stared at them with a face of disappointment.

When everyone had settled down, Phil began making a list of songs they could all learn. Due to the lack of people available, he set up Stephen with drums, James with the bass and vocals and Harry with the guitar. He then tried to teach Alex how to play the keyboard which proved to be an impossible task, even though the both of them tried their best.

There had never been a racket bigger than the one they created. Stephen had a horrible timing and kept speeding up randomly, throwing everyone off balance. James was actually doing a good job but was drowned out by Alex accidentally pressing random keys with his elbow. Harry tried to play as well as he could but kept playing other riffs, due to the confusing environment.

"Hey, I'm sorry I'm late, football tryouts — what the fuck is this horrible noise?"

None other than Simon Minter had entered the classroom, just to Harry's luck.

"Simon! Thank god you're here! Okay, here's the new order: Alex, you get to play the tambourine now! James & Harry, both of you are perfect, stay exactly where you are. Simon, go to the drums, Stephen, you go to the keyboard. Does everyone understand?"

They all nodded and Alex gave a sigh of relief. Learning how to play a whole other instrument was more than what he had signed up for. The boy ended up going back to his spot underneath the table. Alex was an interesting person to say the least.

It turns out, Stephen was a decent keyboardist and Simon was an excellent drummer who fit in the group perfectly. After a few arguments, they decided they were going to play Come As You Are by Nirvana, which was fairly easy. James stuck to bass but Stephen switched to vocals then, due to the fact that the song had no keyboard.

It was one of the first songs Harry had learnt completely, so when it was time, he was able to play the entire song, including the solo, absolutely flawlessly. Add the fact that Simon played it marvellously and James was a good bassist, the song actually turned out well.

Alex was also enjoying his time there. He got to appreciate the music, annoy all of them by occasionally throwing rubbers at them and playing the tambourine.

They were all having so much fun that they only checked the time when Alex started to complain that he was hungry. It was 7 in the afternoon already, they had accidentally stayed for a full extra hour.

"I want to say thanks to all of you who came today, we clearly all had so much fun, I hope you can all come back on Thursday. Even though today turned out well, the band is still pretty small so it would be great if you got someone else to join. And with that, I leave, goodnight kids." Phil left the room, leaving them all in silence. He was indeed a strange man.

"Hey, Alex, you should bring your girlfriend on Thursday," James nudged Alex, who turned a brilliant shade of crimson at those words.

The rest of the boys laughed and went their separate ways but Harry couldn't stop thinking about the fact that Simon was much different than what he had originally thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted the first chapter two days ago and it’s already at 100 hits??? wow I am so thankful,,, I’ll try updating daily but due to online school it might not be possible. expect this fic to be over 10k words though.
> 
> I also made all of the eboys younger than me,,,, why did I do that-
> 
> so, since apparently people are actually reading this, can you please leave your thoughts about it? please comment, I want to know what y’all think


	4. the resurrectionist, or an existential crisis in c#

_**simon.** _

JJ did nothing but pester Simon the entire way to school. He had seemed to have forgotten about the dare and instead was talking about how they needed to join the football team again that year. Simon had tuned out less than a minute after JJ had started talking, he didn't really care.

Simon's mind began to wander and he thought about how would he manage to juggle the both extracurriculars. He definitely had to join football, it was a non-negotiable fact. He was pressured by both his father and his peers, something he didn't mind because he was pretty good at it.

He had been playing the drums for two years now and was finally a decent player, all thanks to Phil. It was a good and bad thing because he had promised Phil that if he got good enough, he would join the band, something he had been strongly against. Simon only played to get his anger and frustrations out, it was something deeply personal to him, not even JJ knew about him playing. He didn't want to play with random strangers who would probably fuck up constantly because they don't even know what a metronome is.

Nonetheless, Simon had made a promise and he was not the type of person to constantly break them. He gave up on even trying to listen to what JJ was going on about. He stuck his earphones in his ear and pressed play to his shitty 2000s pop punk playlist. I'm Not Okay (I Promise) started playing and he mentally transported himself to a school in New Jersey in 2004, JJ was long forgotten.

.•*

Simon was extremely late. Football tryouts had gone extremely well, he had been accepted as soon as he managed to score a goal but he knew Phil was going to kill him. When he reached the music room, all he heard was a racket of immense proportions. Stephen was playing the drums even though he was terrible, he was just banging everything randomly while laughing. A boy Simon didn't know was trying to connect the electric bass to the amp and the feedback noises were way too loud. Phil was groaning because another boy was pressing keys trying to make special effects noises.

Finally, he saw Harry in the corner, quietly plucking at his guitar. Of course, Harry just had to be there. Simon didn't even know that he could play, this was something extremely new to him, but then again, Harry would probably have the same reaction when he found out that he was a drummer. Not that he cared about what Harry thought about him.

When Phil saw that Simon had arrived he gave a big sigh of relief and reorganised everyone. They finally had the perfect amount of members because Alex didn't really count. He got them to test out a few songs and found out that after they taught Stephen what a metronome was, they actually worked well together. It was definitely not the best as it was the first time they had played together but it was a good start, they were all talented.

Harry was actually the most gifted one, something that came as a shock to Simon. His fingers moved deftly across the fretboard as he played the solo, not making a mistake once. Sure, Come As You Are was supposed to be easy but Simon begged to differ. He was awful at playing stringed instruments and couldn't understand how Harry did it. He was made for banging drums, not picking and strumming, anyone who managed to it probably did some dark magic or else how could they achieve something that difficult?

Phil then told Simon to start playing and when he did, he immediately disconnected himself from his surroundings. He channelled all of the stress and anger from the past week out by hitting the skins as hard as he could. He got so into it that he ignored the correct tempo, began playing too fast and too hard, his fingers hurt but he didn't care. He was so angry at JJ and the rest of his supposed friends even more. He just wanted to be himself but no, he had to follow whatever the others would say, he was too scared to do anything different.

Simon was so out of it, at that point he wasn't messing up just because of pure muscle memory, his inner thoughts were getting too loud and he needed to drown them out. If he had been attentive to his surroundings, he would have noticed that everyone had stopped playing just to see him. He also would've noticed Harry, his expression filled with awe, wonder and something else nobody could quite name.

Simon had reached a point where his finger ached more than ever and suddenly one of the drumsticks cracked. That was when he finally stopped, panting. Reality came flooding back and he was now very aware of everyone surrounding him.

"Fuck," was all Simon managed to say before rubbing his hands that were hurting way too much. Nobody said anything to him, he had caused such a strong first impression on James & Alex, they were completely terrified of him while Phil, Stephen and Harry were just at a loss for words.

After a few minutes of Phil telling everyone what to do, practice went back to normal, something Simon was grateful for, he didn't want all of the attention on him.

The second it ended, Simon left as fast as he could, he didn't want to face Harry. Out of all the people in the school, it had to be him. Everything was awkward after the party although nothing important had really happened.

He fished his earphones out of his pocket, his thoughts were getting too loud again. The Resurrectionist, or an Existential Crisis in C# by Frank Iero and the Patience began playing so Simon let himself be distracted by the lyrics and soft guitar.

_**"I feel lost, and I'm not sure if I'm heard by anyone.  
maybe I'll find better ways, to hide the truth that I'm becoming undone."** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. the chapters are going to be named according to songs I associate it with or actually mention.  
> 2\. I know nothing about drums, I’m a guitarist so I don’t know if it’s correct,,, sorry-


	5. back in black

_**harry.** _

The first few days of school were a blur to Harry, they always were. It's always so strange to go back to school after weeks upon weeks of waking up at 5 pm and doing nothing. Classes were are boring as usual, he was getting through them by doing anything but pay attention.

He was now writing all of his notes in morse code because it's always fun to fuck with teacher's heads, right? The only reason he could read it fluently was that he had spent his entire summer playing with his siblings in his backyard when it was dark, using flashlights to send messages.

He was actually being more social now which was a great bonus. He had been only friends Vik and the Cals before but their friend group was expanding. Due to the band, Harry was getting to know Stephen (and by association, Will) who already were friends with the Cals.

Harry still didn't see much of James and Alex outside of practice because they were an entire year below him; therefore, they were little kids he would not mess with (although he was actually their age, he had just skipped a year). They were also apparently were friends of Will but he wasn't quite sure. 

And that only left Simon Minter, someone who was a very confusing case.

Simon had his dumb jock friend group but he was friends with the Cals for some very confusing reason. He was in the same band as Harry yet he continued to ignore him, he didn't acknowledge his existence. Well, he didn't acknowledge anyone's existence when he was lost in his world playing the drums but that was beyond the point.

Every day Harry realised the more of an enigma that Simon Minter was, and he was determined to get answers.

.•*

On Thursday, Stephen and Harry were in the music room, talking about football when Alex barged into the room, yelling.

"Oi Phil, we caught one!" Alex said and pointed to the door, where James appeared, dragging a boy by the legs.

It was such a startling entrance that even Simon, who was being an antisocial fuck, looked up from his corner.

"Alex, what are you doing?" Phil asked, extremely confused by the turn of events.

"Well, you said you wanted more members, right? James has been teaching George how to play bass since June, which means he's perfect for the band! He might've refused at first but we got him now!"

"Oh, he's Alex's girlfriend if you were wondering," James added, which earned him a smack from Alex on the head and a kick from George who was trying to break free from his grasp. Phil shot James a look and he let go of the struggling boy. 

"Uh, hey," George said, getting up from the floor and dusting himself off. Harry realised that he was wearing sunglasses indoors but it was nothing compared to all of the quirks Alex had. Alex was now sitting on the windowsill and Harry concluded that he was more like a cat than a human. 

Phil quickly handed George a bass and told him to play anything. It turned out that he was quite good at it and Phil was absolutely ecstatic. "So, guys, we finally have a full band, this is perfect! Since we now have a bassist, James is now rhythm and vocals. Harry, you're lead now."

Phil then told them to start learning Back In Black by AC/DC and then went around helping everyone. Since the song didn't have any keyboard in it, Stephen joined Alex and they were just playing cards in a corner. Harry had no idea why Alex had stuck around if he wasn't going to play anything but it wasn't as if he was bothered by his presence, in fact, the kid made it better by always making everyone laugh.

Every once in a while, the two would get bored and would try to do their best at annoying the rest. The would play dumb games, like sticking as many post-its to James' back without him realising or throwing paper airplanes at Phil. At one point, after they had begun a contest of trying to stick as many thumbtacks in their fingers as possible, Phil got fed up and told Alex to run in circles around the classroom so he could lose all of the extra energy he had.

Harry plugged in headphones into the amp so he wouldn't annoy the rest and began practising. He didn't even manage to do it for ten minutes because he kept getting distracted by Simon. He was probably the most dedicated and talented out of them all and it made Harry crazy because he barely talked. Even though everyone was extremely nice and band practice was definitely a safe space, Simon didn't interact very much with the rest, he just stayed in his corner, an abstract wall built around him. 

The only time anyone saw what how truly was, when he dropped his facade, was when he was playing. He disconnected himself from everything surrounding him, not caring about what anyone else thought only in those rare moments.

Every day Harry had more questions about Simon and the persona he presented. It was a near-impossible task but Harry was determined to get to know the actual Simon. Sure, Simon had been a bit rude to him a few times but Harry understood perfectly why. He was always an incredibly hyperactive and loud person and very few people could stand that for over a few minutes. Even the Cals and Vik got tired of his shit often and Harry could blame them for it, he was tired of himself too.

Phil coughed loudly next to him and Harry realised that it was late and everyone had already left. Well, fuck. He may have gotten too lost in his thoughts.

"You're doing a good job, Harry, you just need a little help with bending and a few other small things. You can stay for a little while on Monday afternoon and I'll help you with it," Phil offered and Harry nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you tell that alex is my favourite character to write? simon is loosely based on me, but every single feeling he experiences I’ve written using myself as a muse because I’m not very good at writing yet,,,, and alex mostly how I act around people. 
> 
> I find this funny because at the beginning it was harry who was supposed to be based off me, I mean the situation in the first two chapters have happened to me, I play guitar, I have two annoying younger siblings, and a few other scenes in the book have happened to me but from harry’s perspective.
> 
> I’m sorry if you understood nothing of these notes, I’m just rambling.


	6. trees

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: homophobic slurs and slight mentions of abuse.
> 
> I highly recommend you to listen to the song Trees by McCafferty and look up the lyrics before you read this chapter because it’s based on it a lot. it’s also a great song.

**_simon._ **

The sun had been out for less than an hour and his parents were already fighting. Fuck. He turned the music in his earphones much louder to try to drown them out but he could still hear his father calling him slurs from downstairs as if Simon couldn't hear him. Trees by McCafferty started playing and he just sighed, it was the perfect timing.

_**"I hide in the closet, but I'm not a faggot,** _

_**my friends never found out, my mom was a christian,** _

_**my dad is an alchie, I bet that he kills me,** _

_**I don't know how god thinks, but god do you love me?"** _

He could hear his father yelling at him from downstairs, calling his fairy of a son to put on a shiny dress and celebrate his birthday as if it was a funny joke. When he didn't go down, Simon heard plates being smashed and his mum yelling for him to stop wrecking the house but of course, he didn't listen. Simon was so terrified of his father, he heard his steps outside his door so he quickly climbed out of the window and ran towards the school. He wasn't going to catch him today.

.•*

Somehow, the day managed to get worse. When he arrived at school, he got a pie thrown at his face by dumb JJ and absolutely everyone laughed at him. Nice. Ethan gave him a birthday card that just said "you're gay" in it as if it was supposed to be funny.

He spent too much time trying to clean himself, he had meringue on his face, hands, shirt, neck and hair. The angle of the water just wasn't letting him wash some bits and he couldn't take a shower because the locker rooms were closed at that early hour.

"Hey, do you need some help?"

Harry was standing in the bathroom's doorway, arms crossed. At first, Simon didn't answer. Maybe he had been sent by Josh or Tobi, just to prank him but then he remembered that Harry was the Cal's friend and that he was probably trustworthy just because of that. "Yes, I do."

Harry came over to him and told him to run his head under the water and he began to run his finger's through Simon's hair, trying to get all of the sticky meringue out. He was being incredibly gentle and it actually worked, it was all gone after less than a minute.

"Thank you," Simon told him, using paper towels to try to dry his hair.

"No problem, your friends were really being absolute dickheads. Also, happy birthday." Harry smiled at him and then just left. He kept being nice to Simon, something which always confused him, didn't he ever get mad at people?

.•*

Simon was reminded of how much he hated everyone after football practice. He had tried to be like Harry, seeing the good things in life for a day but it was too hard for him, especially when everyone in his close vicinity actively tried to ruin his day.

It was extremely petty, he had managed to get tripped up by JJ's friends (he didn't consider them his friends anymore) every single time he tried to play.

After practice was over, he realised that he couldn't go back to his house, he didn't want to face his father. He still had too much pent up anger so he made his way to the music room. It was a Monday, it was completely empty so Simon connected his phone to one of the amps, grabbed another set of his drumsticks and began playing.

He was playing Trees by McCafferty again, he had formed a very big emotional connection to it, maybe he related to it too much for it to be good.

He was putting his entire soul and body into it, trying to forget every second of pain he had experienced due to his father.

_**"just string me up, two or three,** _

_**just string me up, down by the trees.** _

_**just by my pants, I'm such a freak.** _

_**a fucking fag and that never sees.** _

_**just string me up, two or three,** _

_**just string me up, down by the trees.** _

_**just by my pants, I'm such a freak.** _

_**I'm such a freak, I'm such a freak!"** _

Simon stopped, panting. Only then he saw Harry, sitting in a chair quietly.

"Fuck!" Nick Hartkop's voice rang out from the amp and the song finally ended. It fitted very well indeed, he was horrified that Harry had just discovered something so personal to him. There was a chance that he hadn't heard the lyrics but Simon, knowing Harry even a little bit, knew better.

"Uh, I'm sorry for interrupting you, I didn't mean it," Harry was fiddling with a box in his hands, anxiously biting his lip. "I have a birthday gift for you. I meant to hand it to you before but I didn't have it on me when I saw you earlier."

He passed it over to Simon, who wordlessly opened it. Inside was a dainty little cupcake, covered in light blue and baby pink frosting. "Did you make this yourself?"

Harry nodded and Simon just hugged him. It came out of nowhere, Simon never got close to absolutely anyone but he was in so much pain, he needed something, someone, to pull him back to reality.

"Do you know that you're actually the only person who's gotten me a gift today?"

Harry's eyes widened in shock. He hadn't expected that. He honestly thought that Simon had received tons from his friends and classmates, not mentioning his parents.

"Well, that's not completely true. I did receive some strange letters with cats drawn all of them in my locker from Alex, I have no idea how he knew it was my birthday, let alone found my locker number but it counts as something I guess. And well, I also have the pie that JJ threw to my face if you can count it." Simon gave a quick humourless laugh and stared at the ceiling. "I don't know why I'm even telling all of this to you, Harry, but thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah, sorry for this one... 
> 
> trees is one of my favourite songs and maybe I relate to it a little bit too much.
> 
> funny that it lined up that it’s father’s day here and I posted this,,, I’m just thankful that I’m still closeted, fuck my dad.


	7. dammit

_**harry.** _

"Okay now, I'll start playing this riff and if you guess it, you start playing the drum part," Harry told him, that same Monday afternoon. Harry was trying to cheer Simon up, there was something glaringly wrong about him at the moment.

"What if I don't know it?"

"Well, then you can sing the part," Simon nodded and Harry began to play the opening of Everlong by Foo Fighters, one he was sure Simon knew because he had heard him play it before.

Simon caught on after barely a few seconds and they managed to play the entire song perfectly.

"See, that was awesome. It's your turn now, don't choose one that's too hard." Harry laughed at Simon who just smiled and nodded.

He began playing the intro of Sunday Bloody Sunday by U2, something which couldn't be a coincidence. It was one of Harry's favourite songs, which only meant that Simon knew much more than he let on.

Harry began playing along, switching between playing the rhythm and lead guitar parts, humming softly to himself.

When they finished it, Harry announced it was his turn to pick the song again. "So, I know you like pop punk—"

"Harry, how the fuck do you even know that?"

"You've mentioned Paramore a few times, it isn't very subtle. Okay, what I was saying was that if you don't get this one I won't ever forgive you"

He played the well-known opening riff of Dammit by blink-182 and Simon caught on immediately, managing to jump in at the correct time the drums started on the actual track.

**_"it's alright to tell me what you think about me,_ **

**_I won't try to argue or hold it against you”_ **

Simon was playing along, trying to be as fast as Travis Barker while laughing at Harry who was mimicking Tom DeLonge's voice and actions almost perfectly.

_**"I know that you're leaving, you must have your reasons,** _

_**the season is calling, your pictures are falling down"** _

Harry at this point was jumping around all about the music room, and Simon saw him nearly fall off the desk he was standing on. Simon quickly jumped up and helped steady the desk and Harry, thankfully, did not fall and crack his skull.

_**"and it's happened once again,** _

_**I'll turn to a friend.** _

_**someone that understands,** _

_**sees through the master plan"** _

At this point, Simon hadn't gotten back to his instrument but was making silly faces with Harry as they both sang, tears of laughter streaming down their faces.

_**"but everybody's gone,** _

_**and I've been here for too long** _

_**to face this on my own,** _

_**well I guess this is growing up"** _

Harry went back to jumping and crashing into chairs and that was when Phil arrived to see what all of the noise was about. Harry stopped in his tracks when he saw him. 

"Good afternoon, may I ask what in the actual fuck you're doing? You were supposed to go home after your lesson, not wreck the music room"

"I can actually explain this one! I was nearly home when I remembered I had left my guitar here. I came to fetch it and Simon was playing so I joined him and we were just vibin, bro," Harry imitated an American accent and at that point, Simon was just laughing at him in the corner. "also, you're a teacher, aren't you supposed not to swear?" 

"Oh shut up, I'm a professor at a university, the only reason why I'm here is to help you guys so I think I can say 'fuck'. Also, the school is closing now, you'd better leave quick"

When they got to the school's gate, Harry realised that Simon was turning into his quieter self, retracting into his own self. He knew that there was something bothering him and he couldn't let today be a bad day for him. He mustered up a lot of courage and then asked him a question. 

"You know that your birthday isn't over yet, do you wanna do something else like go have ice cream or something?"

Simon looked surprised by his proposition but still nodded. Harry was determined to be his real friend, it didn't seem as actually Simon had any. Maybe he had been close to JJ once but he knew that Simon didn't talk to him anymore apart for superficial things, if he had, then JJ probably wouldn't have thrown a pie to his face earlier. The Cals were the only people he trusted (although he shouldn't trust them that much, after all, they did accidentally spill his biggest secret to Harry) but Simon nearly never hung out with them. 

.•*

"Okay so, what's your favourite band?" Simon asked Harry as they sat at a small booth in the ice cream shop, playing 20 questions.

"Come on, that's a hard one, I usually listen to 80s and 90s alt rock, I think I'd actually choose The Killers or Arctic Monkeys because they're the ones I listen to that are pretty different, get what I mean?" Simon nodded and Harry asked him the question.

"Don’t you fucking call me emo, I will never talk to you again if you do." Simon gave Harry a look and he just stuck his tongue out at him. "Probably Paramore or Frank Iero's solo projects. Oh, Sum 41 and The Brobecks are also great. It's my turn again, what's your current favourite song, the one you have been listening on repeat for the past few days?"

"When You Were Young by The Killers, it just makes me feel stuff, you know? What's yours?"

"Harry, that's cheating, you've just been repeating every single question I ask you first, it's unfair!" 

"Come on, the only rule this game has is that you have to ask 20 questions and answer them truthfully, I'm playing it perfectly, you can't sue me for that"

"Fine, okay, you win. I have been listening to Trees by McCafferty way too much."

Harry then remembered the song Simon had been playing when he had barged in. He recalled it mentioning trees a lot so it could be the same one.

"Is that the song you were playing in the music room before?"

"...yeah."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like the music you listen to says a lot about a person which is why this fic is so heavily based on it. I have an obsession with music.
> 
> also,,, actual simon, not the character simon, has referenced Paramore (specifically crushcrushcrush I swear to god it’s not even one of their top 5 songs now) and New Found Glory before so I’m just sayin,,, motherfucker definitely had an emo phase in middle school


	8. the kids from yesterday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please listen to The Kids From Yesterday by My Chemical Romance,, I am so soft for that song (and Summertime,, its part of the same album) and they're not the emo stuff you probably think mcr is like
> 
> [oh and of course the numbers in this are fake,,,, I don’t even know what UK numbers look like,, I was only 8 when I left so idk,,, google is my fren]

**_simon._ **

He couldn't believe it was possible but he actually had fun with Harry. He had been having the worst birthday in his life but even though it was late in the afternoon, he had actually managed to make it better.

It was already dark when he got home and his father was passed out on the couch, a beer bottle in his hand. How nice.

He ignored the man and made himself some pasta, not caring if he made too much noise, his father wouldn't wake up. When he was done he went to eat it at his bed and finally checked his phone, which had been blowing up with notifications for the past hour.

He unlocked it and saw that all of the messages he had received weren't JJ or the rest, they were actually from the band. Someone had created a group chat and added him in it. It was possible that Stephen had his number so it wasn't that strange, at least he hoped it was that. The other alternative was that Alex could've stalked him or the Cals, who were so dumb that they would've shared it with anyone, even 14-year-old boy who they didn't know.

** band **

**+44 8365 036285 - #1 annoying orange fan:** _good evening Simon Minter, welcome to the cult._

Simon immediately typed and saved him in his phone, he had figured out who it was almost instantly.

 **stephen lawson:** _you can't just add people who don't have your contact saved to a group chat and immediately introduce it as a cult-_

 **+44 3735 946257 - Jim Merritt:** _yeah alex stop being yourself, act normal for once_

 **alex elmslie:** _I am sorry but I am afraid I cannot do that, I must torture you all._

_*alex elmslie has sent 20 images*_

**+44 2893 304022 - ruler of obamaland:** _I would tell you to shut the fuck up but your photos of the annoying orange are the only thing that's keeping me going right now_

Simon figured out the other ones who were talking were James and George and saved their numbers, which meant that the only person who he hadn't added yet was Harry.

 **alex elmslie:** _hey george,,,_

 **george ???:** _what now_

 **alex elmslie:** _im calling you gorg now cause it's better_

 **james marriott:** _are you dumb?_

 **alex elmslie:** _no! im smart and gorg likes his new name ok stfu_

 **george ???:** _no you're definitely dumb but I love being gorg, don't you dare call me anything else ever_

 **harry lewis:** _the fuck is going on-_

 **stephen lawson:** _in the past minute, alex has managed to be creepy towards simon, send a bajillion photos of the annoying orange and renamed george to gorg, fuck knows why_

 **george ???:** _my new name is awesome ok fuck you_

 **alex elmslie:** _yeah fuck you stephen >:(_

Simon couldn't help but laugh at whatever was going on at that moment. They were all so dumb but he liked them a lot, it was refreshing to be around people who were actually nice.

He tried to think back to a time when JJ had been like that but realised that he hadn't felt like that in years. JJ had been the boy he had spent most of his childhood with, the one he never let go.

When they were younger, the two of them would constantly get in trouble (although it was never Simon's fault) but they had so much. He remembered the times they would run around and play stupid pranks on everyone and the countless times they had but toothpaste in Deji's oreos.

It seemed like it would be like that forever but they started to grow up. Suddenly Ethan, Josh and Tobi were thrown into the mix and Simon began to draw more into himself each day. He tried to get along with them at the beginning and it kind of worked.

He had created a fake persona that worked well on the others, they loved him. That was until Simon came to the conclusion that he had a crush on JJ.

It was the worst thing that had ever happened to him in his life, he knew he was fucked. That was when he began to distance himself from them, he couldn't afford for everyone to know his secret.

He was looking at the men he had idolised in a different, maybe his favourite band members could be a little bit attractive...

He was sure he was gay after that and that's when all definitely began to go downhill. His father found out somehow, maybe he had just predicted it but Simon never stood up for himself. His dad hated him for it and his extremely religious mother viewed him as a sinner when he was barely 15 years old.

**_"you only hear the music when your heart begins to break,_ **   
**_now we are the kids from yesterday"_ **

Only two years had passed and Simon was even more miserable. The only way he coped was with his music. He hated his supposed friends, he couldn't stand JJ anymore and he just wanted to run away from home more than anything in the entire world.

His 17th birthday had been the worst day of his life so far, he had been extremely close to doing something stupid but somehow Harry was there.

Simon had felt extremely alone for the past two years. The only people he sometimes trusted were the Cals but he only knew them because all of their parents were friends. It's not like he even saw them that day.

That's why it was so surprising that Harry was there, they barely knew each other, yet somehow he knew that Simon was at his lowest point that day and how to make him feel better.

He had felt true happiness for the first time in years when he was with him, his emotions were always amplified by _him._

Simon had no idea what it was about Harry that made him feel that way, as if both the sun and moon were out at the same time, controlling his emotions. He was joyful but peaceful, warm but calm.

How had Harry manage to see through him that day? Simon had liked to think that he masked everything perfectly, it always worked around people, why didn't it work on him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, i just wanna say that i love when y'all comment so please do it,,, I wanna know all of your thoughts-


	9. ace-ing it.

**_harry._ **

When he had gotten home that night, Harry immediately looked up Simon's song. He read the lyrics and his heart shattered into a million pieces, it was obvious that Simon related to that song deeply, showing that he was well and truly broken.

The boy at the party Harry had run into a week ago was a completely different person, he was just a facade, hiding an extremely lonely boy underneath.

Harry still felt like what he had done today wasn't enough, he needed for Simon to have more people he could be friends with or to trust. An idea struck him so he immediately rang Lux to see if his plan was able to be carried out.

.•*

"Alex, could you please get down from the table, you're going to fucking crack your skull"

The boy in question was standing on a very shaky table, trying to hang up balloons on the ceiling while Phil was trying to convince him to get down. Everyone else was running around the room trying to get everything ready.

"Sure, Phil," Alex gave him a cheeky grin and then jumped off it, landing on top of George who just gave out a groan of pain from the floor.

"Goddammit, where's Freezy when you need him, he's the only one who's tall enough to reach, I mean, he is a giraffe" Lux was sticking his head out of the door, trying to see if anyone was coming.

Harry was running in circles around the room, trying to make sure everything was perfect. Of course, considering the people who were doing it, it was absolute chaos.

James and Stephen were purple-faced, blowing up as many balloons as possible in a minute, just because they wanted to.

"Everyone shut up and hide, I can hear Freezy in the hallway!" Lux told everyone and turned the lights off.

Everyone scrambled to find hiding spots and suddenly there was a loud crashing noise from the corner.

Simon and Freezy entered the room because of the noise that had startled them. They turned the lights on to find that Alex and George had crashed into the drums and were now giggling relentlessly on the floor.

"Surprise I guess?" Stephen came out from his corner and gave a very confused Simon a gift.

"OKAY EVERYONE SHUT UP FOR A SECOND YES IM TALKING TO YOU ALEX & GEORGE" Lux yelled so he could talk to Simon because Alex and George were blowing fucking kazoos. "So, Simon, happy late birthday! I'm sorry I didn't say this before but I just didn't see you yesterday. Anyways, we're celebrating your birthday on Friday at my house since Phil only gave us ten minutes to do this today. It's going to be a sleepover and it'll only be us there! You'd better come or I'll find you in your sleep..."

Simon laughed at Cal but said that he would be there. Freezy cheered but was quickly ushered out by Phil who didn't want practice to be delayed even more.

.•*

After practice, Harry took his sweet time in putting his guitar away and putting the amp back because he knew that Simon was going to figure out that it was his idea. And he was right, when Harry turned around, Simon was still there, sitting on the table.

"It was you, wasn't it," Simon was looking at him straight in the eyes, a strange expression on his face that Harry could not decipher.

"Maybe."

"Thank you," Simon was fidgeting now. "I honestly mean it. I don't know what I would've done yesterday if you hadn't helped like you did. I didn't see it then but now I do."

Harry just shrugged like if it was nothing. He didn't mind being nice, it didn't cost a single penny and he could sometimes make people's days. "Do you wanna walk home together?"

Simon nodded and the two of them slowly made their way home. Yesterday they had discovered that they actually lived on the same street, just one block away from the other which was a surprise.

"I'm sorry I used to be so rude to you, I don't understand how you can be so nice to me after that," Simon wasn't looking at him now, he was much more interested in the pebble he was kicking across the street.

Harry didn't understand it either, he would usually ignore rude people but with Simon it had been completely different. It had all been worth it though, the warm fuzzy feeling that stirred up inside him every time Simon smiled assured that.

"I don't feel like that was actually you."

They walked in silence for the rest of the way home but it was a comfortable one. It was the first time they actually felt comfortable around each other and it was a nice feeling.

.•*

Josh and Rosie's bickering in the hallway was what finally shook Harry out of his thoughts. He looked at his empty page of homework and then out the window. It was dark outside and he had been thinking about Simon for over an hour.

He needed to talk about it, he couldn't understand what was happening.

** vik barn **

_hey vik_  
_answer me_  
_are you alive??_

_Yes, what is it-_

_uh this is a weird question_  
_but,,, are you straight?_

_Yeah, why?_

_how do you know you're straight_

_I think girls are hot_

_okay but what if I don't think girls are hot?_

_Then you're probably gay-_

_no vik you're not understanding,, I don't think anyone is hot and I am very confused-_

_I thought I wasn't able to like anyone cause I don't wanna shag anyone but now I think I might have a small crush on someone and argh I don't know anything now_

_Harry it sounds like you might be asexual._

_what the fuck is that_

_Just use google, it won't hurt to look it up._

**a•sex•u•al**  
_adjective._  
1\. without sexual feelings or associations.  
"asexual individuals may still experience attraction but this attraction doesn't need to be realized in any sexual manner"

Oh, well, that made more sense. Labels were confusing but at least he knew that he could like someone only romantically. He was now at peace with himself.

Yes, the part of him that might like a very specific someone would have to wait for later, he was satisfied with his findings for the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. I am a Vik stan and he has barely been in this I feel bad-  
> 2\. I was rewatching one of Simon's videos and he really said he actually listened to pop punk as a kid and said emo was great (although my chemical romance isn't actually emo,,, I've written a whole essay about that) sO I WAS RIGHT! I told y'all that he had an emo phase when I saw him make a Paramore reference but this is just,,,,,,,  
> 3\. I made Alex too young in this but he is babey ok  
> 4\. yes, not all asexuals are romantic,,, I'm ace and im pretty into girls but every ace person has their limits and I'm writing Harry to be like me.


	10. ocean avenue

_**simon.** _

Harry walked with him over to Cal's house that Friday night. Simon didn't know what to expect, although Cal had told him it was going to be a small sleepover, like the ones they had as kids.

The two of them were sharing earphones while they walked, listening to Ocean Avenue by Yellowcard. The street was empty and they sang along to it, lost in their little world.

_**"if I could find you now things would get better,** _

_**we could leave this town and run forever** _

_**I know somewhere, somehow we'll be together,** _

_**let your waves crash down on me** _

_**and take me away"** _

When they arrived, he saw that the Cals, Vik, Stephen and Will were there which meant only the year 11s were missing. Cal told them that his parents had left again so they had the entire house to themselves, they could make as much noise as they wanted to.

Only a few minutes later the bell rang and it was Alex, George and James, all three holding as much candy as possible.

"Oh no," Cal groaned, as the three of them had devilish looks in their faces. Those three were only there to have fun and create chaos and you could see it in their eyes.

"Oh hell yes"

They all began opening packets of crisps, ready to stuff them in their mouths. James appeared suddenly from the kitchen holding a giant carving knife in his hand. "It's melon time boys!"

They all just groaned, of course, James had brought his own cantaloupe melon, every year 11 had their own quirk. Speaking of those, George was with his sunglasses on, even though they were inside and it was dark.

And, of course, Alex was doing his own thing. He was perched on the kitchen counter like a cat, holding a wine glass in his hand.

"Okay, who gave the 14-year-old wine? We can't have him drunk!"

"Callum, you are an absolute idiot. My dear friend, I am afraid to inform you that it's actually grape juice because wine is grim." Alex had been speaking in a posh way but at the end of his sentence, his voice went back to normal and he made a face of disgust. Callum visibly relaxed and told him to get off the counter but Alex pretended to ignore him.

They all ended up going upstairs to play videogames in the attic, taking advantage of Cal's cool room, even though there were too many boys for such a small space. They played Mario Kart for hours because it was the only game they all knew how to play, it was very simple.

After losing to both Will and Freezy, Simon gave up and went down to the kitchen to get a glass of water. There he found Vik who was cooking burgers for everyone. Why? Simon had no clue but he wasn't going to ask either, Vik was finally alone with him and he really needed to say something.

"I know we never talk but I wanted to take this moment I'm sorry for what happened with your girlfriend at the party. I hadn't realised it was her but that's still a shitty excuse—"

"Simon, it's not, I'm okay. She was using me anyway, why should I care. Evie's the one to blame, not you. I'm sorry if I'm intruding, but why did you do it, I mean when you like..." Vik's voice trailed off as he turned his gaze to Harry who was chasing Alex in the garden for some reason.

Simon immediately got what he meant and turned a light shade of pink. He did not like Harry, he was just his friend. "I don't. I mean, he's my friend, I don't have a crush on him. As for Evie, it was fucking JJ's fault." He explained the entire dare/threat to Vik who was being extremely nice.

Simon concluded that he had definitely been hanging out with the wrong type of people, Harry and everyone else who was there were the complete opposite of JJ and his friends. It was nice to see that not everything was as dark as it appeared.

"oKAY, I HAVE CONCLUDED THAT BECAUSE STEPHEN SUCKS AT PLAYING EVERY VIDEO GAME IN EXISTENCE, WE'RE PLAYING SOMETHING DIFFERENT NOW" Lux was yelling as he ran down the stairs, so even the people outside (who were only Alex, Harry and James) could hear him. "Guys, we are playing truth or dare"

"Come on, we're not prepubescent kids anymore, what's the point?" Stephen said, for he had always hated the game.

"Speak for yourself, look at Alex, you cannot tell me that he's been through puberty yet." Will laughed at Alex which earned a smack from him. "Who cares anyway, this is a sleepover, it's not like we're trying to be mature."

Cal grabbed a bottle and spun it after everyone had sat down in a circle. It landed on James and he said dare, and just to mess with him, they voted that James should talk for at least a minute about why cantaloupe melons sucked.

James then spun the bottle and it landed on Simon, making bile rise up to his mouth. He swallowed it, which cost more than it should've and he barely managed to cough out the word "dare."

"Okay then, I dare you to drink a shot of vinegar."

Simon just smiled at that, little did James know that he actually loved vinegar. While he looked through Cal's kitchen for a shot glass, Harry began spewing one of his random facts, this time about malt vinegar being really unhealthy. Simon poured the vinegar and downed it in one try, not a single tear falling from his eyes, stunning everyone.

The game progressed and Simon didn't feel the need to vomit his guts out, he was comfortable around everyone now, it was indeed a great birthday party.

At one point, to tease him for being single, Will asked George if he had a girlfriend. George, knowing why he had asked, shook his head and said that he was actually Alex's girlfriend. This made Will continue to get under his skin and said that he didn't believe him, even though he knew George was joking. And that's where Alex came in.

Alex, was very young and loved sugar. He loved it so much in fact, that he had eaten two thirds of all of the candy there. He was at his peak of hyperactivity and was basically twitching in his spot. When Will said those fateful words, Alex went and grabbed George's face and promptly began making out with him in front of everyboy.

"You lot are disgusting, you know" Will was laughing because he had won. James quietly slipped him a five pound note into his hand, he had lost their little bet.

"Oh fuck off, Will." George said and stuck out his tongue. Miraculously, he was still wearing his goddamn sunglasses and appeared unfazed by what had just happened.

Simon's friends were strange.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is a small possibility that I’m start uploading every other day instead of every day and I’m sorry,,, I just feel like shit right now because I got my period for the first time in 4 fucking months and I’m dying yay :)
> 
> also if you follow me on instagram (my account is @mcrstopbeingcryptic if you don’t know) you’ll know that I was dared to drink a shot of vinegar a couple of days ago and it was actually a very easy thing to do—


	11. mr. brightside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who’s back, back again—

**_harry._ **

The party had been a success. Harry had left Simon alone after a while so he could talk to everyone, see them for themselves. It worked because he even saw him talking to Vik.

Harry stuffed his face with sweets and chased Alex around the entire house before Cal told them to settle down and play truth or dare.

Somehow Alex ended up making out with George in front of everyone which was strange to say the least, but it's not like they didn't expect it to happen.

It was nearly one in the morning when Harry got dared to jump in the pool. He did it, of course, but after that he was freezing. He quickly changed into his pyjamas and then pressed himself up against the nearest warm body, not realising it was Simon.

At first Simon was startled but let Harry stay there. They weren't playing truth or dare anymore, they were all watching a movie instead.

Harry couldn't decipher which one it was and the plot made no sense. The movie was in Italian, which made it much worse.

"Compà, ho trovato la soluzione!" One of the characters had torn down a wall to get into the apartment next to his and Harry officially gave up with trying to understand the movie. At one point he was pretty sure 5 old people died because of eating candy and stealing candy, which made it even more confusing.

He didn't mean to fall asleep but Simon's chest was a very comfortable place to lay his head on and his steady heartbeat thumping in his ear helped him drift off.

.•*

It was three in the morning and Simon was running his fingers through his hair and whispering in his ear so he woke up, something that worked. Everyone was hyper, all of the sweets had been eaten a long time ago.

"Sorry for waking you up but I thought that you'd want to see this." Simon gestured to the boys who had grabbed a pumpkin and were talking about the best way to blow it up. He wasn't wrong though, Harry wouldn't have wanted to miss out on that at all.

They went outside to the garden and saw that Lux had already carved out the insides of the pumpkin and had placed fireworks where they had been.

They waited until everyone had found somewhere to hide from the explosion. Harry and Vik just stayed behind the glass doors, there was no way they were going to be in the zone of fire.

"Harry, we need to talk." Vik was serious and looked directly at him, making Harry begin to fidget nervously. He definitely knew something and wanted to know more.

"Fuck."

"You. Like. Simon." Vik jabbed him in the chest with his finger after every word. He wasn't even being mean, he could just see through Harry perfectly.

"What? No, I don't! Where the fuck did you get that from?" He knew he wasn't fooling Vik but not Harry himself was sure about his own feelings, he couldn't just say yes.

"Okay, I believe you." Vik told Harry calmly but he could see the gears turning inside his head and he definitely wasn't satisfied by Harry's answer.

That's when Cal light up the fireworks and immediately ran for cover. The pumpkin began to spark before it exploding, turning the lawn into a mess. The conversation with Vik had already been forgotten, exploding pumpkins were much more interesting and they didn't cause turmoil inside Harry's mind.

Lux saw the aftermath and groaned. "Why did I even agree to this, my parents are going to kill me!"

Freezy patted him on the back. "It wasn't that good anyway."

"Motherfucker"

.•*

Less than ten minutes passed and they had already moved on to another activity. Someone had grabbed a speaker and turned it on and they were all fighting to be the first one to do karaoke. James and Stephen ended up winning and began singing a horrible rendition of Sweet Caroline.

"Boo! You're shit!" Alex was sitting on the couch (not properly, of course, but instead on the backrest) throwing anything he could find. A pillow smacked James right in the face so he threw it back at Alex. It hit him so hard that he lost his balance and fell off the couch.

"James, I hate you." The youngest boy was lying face down on the floor, not even bothering to move.

George took that moment to snatch the mike from a distracted James who had finally finished his song. He had a smirk on his face and when his song started playing, Harry understood why.

"EMILE HESKEY, THE CHUCK NORRIS OF FOOTBALL, HE GOT SO MANY TALENTS TO EASILY DROP YOUR JAW" George was yelling into the mike, deafening everyone on purpose.

Harry took one glance at Simon who had turned white. He obviously had this reaction, there was clearly a problem between him and his old friend.

Heskey Time was JJ's stupid song. He had created it two years ago and it became a massive joke at their school. It's success rose JJ instantly to popularity, and that's what Harry suspects began to strain JJ and Simon's relationship.

Simon was the complete opposite of JJ and though they worked well together for a while, it was all bound to crumble down someday. That day was apparently now because after his birthday, Harry hadn't seen the two of them together at any moment at all except lunch and football.

George was still yelling the lyrics but Alex and Freezy had joined in. "BITCH I'M HESKEY, YOU DONT WANT TO MESS WITH ME, IF YOU DO YOU'LL BE MY NEXT ANAL RECIPE"

Harry could feel Simon tense up even more beside him and decided to do something about it.

He grabbed Simon's hand, pulled him up and snatched the mike away from George. "Cal, you need to put a banger"

Lux nodded and the beginning of Mr. Brightside began playing. Harry turned to Simon and he just groaned. "Harry, do I really have to?"

"Yeah, and if you don't know the lyrics I'll never forgive you"

Simon just grinned and Harry got lost in his own little world again. This time it was different, they were doing it together, singing carelessly, not giving a fuck if they weren't good at it.

**_"jealousy, turning saints into the sea,_ **

**_swimming through sick lullabies, choking on your alibis,_ **

**_but it's just the price I pay, destiny is calling me,_ **

**_open up my eager eyes, 'cause I'm mr. brightside"_ **

.•*

"Are you awake?"

It was close to dawn and Harry still hadn't fallen asleep. The attic was pitch black and the darkness was too much, he felt like he was suffocating. He barely managed to muster enough confidence to speak those three words to Simon, who was laying right beside him.

"Yes, I am. Harry, are you okay?"

"Yeah." Harry paused and he could feel Simon's skeptical look, even though he couldn't see it. "Well, not really."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"It's too dumb. I'm scared of the dark but I'm turning sixteen in two months, I shouldn't be. The lack of light and noise sometimes makes me imagine creepy stuff, you know?" Harry couldn't stop the words from spilling out.

He had never talked about it to anyone but Simon was another case, he felt comfortable enough to tell him everything even though they had barely been actual friends for a week. It was insane how close they had grown over the past few days, it just showed how dumb it was that they used to avoid each other so much.

Simon didn't say anything after that but a few moments later Harry felt him find his hand. He intertwined their fingers gently and whispered to Harry. "Does that help?"

Harry realised that they were very close, so close that he could feel Simon's hot breath on him. He was thankful that it was too dark for Simon to tell that he was clearly blushing at that moment, although he didn't know why.

His mind flicked back to the conversation he had with Vik before the pumpkinsplosion. Harry didn't want him to have the satisfaction that he was right but it might be true.

He didn't dare to move, he didn't want Simon to let go. In the end Simon's plan did work, Harry fell asleep in no time at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay,,, I was gone for nearly a week but it’s been,,, interesting.
> 
> 1\. I had the worst period of my life hahaha pain  
> 2\. I started a discourse account and it blew up so now I feel obligated to post a shit ton :)  
> 3\. I started playing danganronpa and I’m now obsessed  
> 4\. I am rewatching It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia for the bajillionth time and I got a bit distracted from writing  
> 5\. I lost inspiration but now it’s back,, expect a few updates a week, not daily though-  
> 6\. I was listening to Mr. Brightside when I wrote that part so yeah,,, it’s a fuckin bop and I remembered that I made Harry’s favourite band The Killers so-  
> 7\. I felt guilty for not uploading in a while so enjoy the extra 500 words,,,,,,
> 
> anyway,, if you want to comment anything, absolutely anything, it would be awesome-


	12. they wanted darkness...

_**simon.** _

When Simon woke up, the attic was completely empty, except for Harry who was still fast asleep. Simon checked his wristwatch which showed it was one in the afternoon. He tried to gently wake up Harry by shaking him a little bit. When that didn't work, he began tickling him.

Harry shot up with start and began tickling him back until both of them collapsed in the floor, laughing way too hard. "Simon, that's a horrible way to wake up someone!"

"It's already past noon and you weren't waking up, what else was I supposed to do?"

Harry just groaned and threw his pillow at Simon's head. 

The two of them went straight downstairs, not even bothering to change or comb their hair. They were met with the two Cals, Vik and Stephen, the rest had already gone home. 

Vik was making waffles in his pyjamas but everyone else was dressed. They greeted the two sleepy boys and gave them plates. 

"We're making brunch, do you want toast or anything?" Lux opened the fridge and got out milk and apple juice, knowing that Harry would drink the latter.

Simon shook his head and sat on the kitchen counter next to Stephen while Harry was looking in the cabinets for chocolate powder, which he never found. Instead, he made himself a coffee that wasn't really coffee, it was mostly milk and a fuck ton of sugar. 

"You cannot tell me you're actually going to drink that" Simon was looking at Harry in disbelief but he just shrugged and sat next to him.

"It's good, trust me," Harry grabbed a spoon and shoved some of his drink into Simon's mouth. He was extremely startled and made a face because it was extremely sweet

"How can you even drink this, it's not coffee"

"If it doesn't have 50 kilos of sugar he won't drink it, he's a baby," Vik said as he put the waffles on a plate. In less than ten seconds, the five boys had grabbed them all, and they were eaten in a matter of two minutes.

"We really are all pigs. I'm stuffed now, I'm going to take a shower if you don't mind, Cal" Simon said and Lux just nodded and pointed him to his bathroom. 

Simon grabbed his clean clothes and went in but before he turned on the shower he accidentally overheard the conversation that the others were having in the kitchen. They were teasing Harry relentlessly about liking someone and Simon didn't understand why his chest tightened when he heard that. He quickly discarded it and stepped into the shower, humming They Wanted Darkness... by Frank Iero and the Patience.

_**“sometimes we miss old friends until we remember we weren't friends.** _

_**you see, treachery in memories always takes a different spin... until it happens again and again** _

_**and its that time again, you're just in time to break me down** _

_**you said you want my pain? so I gave you pain** _

_**I'll give you pain, until it's gone** _

_**you wanna know my deal, the reason I can't deal** _

_**why I crack under the pressure of always feeling guilty of never pleasing anyone because no one here can get over themselves”** _

It had been an unconscious decision to choose the very song that represented his most intrusive thoughts. As the water ran, he began to think of the lyrics. The song was right, JJ's friends had never been Simon's, he had just thought they were.

He had to forget about them, they didn't matter anymore, he now had Harry, the Cals and maybe the rest. He felt closer to the guys in band after only knowing them for a week than Ethan, Tobi and Josh, whom he had known for two years.

Simon stepped out of the shower and dried himself off with a towel. He couldn't hear the boy's voices anymore so he walked quietly, maybe Lux's parents had arrived out of the blue and the others had left. He wasn't paranoid, just cautious.

He reached the door outside the living room and gave a sigh of relief when he heard someone that sounded like Harry talk in a low voice. He hadn't meant to overhear, he hated doing it, but he had heard his name being mentioned and his ears immediately pricked up.

"...you were holding his hand when you were sleeping, you can't even deny it, all of us saw you two" Vik was the one talking now.

"Ah, shut up okay, I don't know. I mean, I'm not saying that didn't happen, it's just I-"

Simon knew how awkward Harry was feeling and he was the one who had suggested it in the first place, he hadn't wanted him to have any trouble. He chose to intervene by simply entering the room. 

Harry and Vik started at them as if they had been caught doing something completely embarrassing, after all, they were talking about Simon.

"Hi, I hope I'm not interrupting anything," Simon said as he sat down on the couch next to Harry.

"Nope, Vik was just being annoying again." 

Vik gave Simon a small smile before pummeling Harry with one of the couch cushions. Harry fought back but accidentally threw one at Simon, who ended up joining in. 

Because of the racket, they were making, Stephen, Freezy and Lux came to see what all the noise was about. What ended up happening was that seven boys in their mid-teens had a pillow fight on a Saturday, leaving all of their responsibilities behind and just having fun.

.•*

"Harry?" Simon asked him as they were walking back home. It was already late in the afternoon and they had to go back to their houses, Harry's parents were probably wondering where he was. Simon's parents? Probably not. 

"What is it?" Harry turned his head to face his and Simon got distracted by his bright eyes. They had so much life in them, the sparks made Simon get lost in them, forgetting what he was about to say.

"Uh, I just want to thank you again. The party was amazing, it's nice to feel like a kid again."

Harry just smiled and hugged him. "It was no problem, I had lots of fun too. See you on Monday I suppose?"

"Sure."

Harry walked off towards his house and Simon just smiled. It went away quickly, as he heard the sound of plates shattering coming from his house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am alive,,,, yay,,, fuck school :)


	13. peach (lobotomy)

_**harry.** _

He liked Simon and he wasn't good at hiding it. He was the last person to even realise it, maybe even Simon knew, the rest definitely did. Vik, somehow, had known for quite a while.

You wouldn't expect the loner kid that plays video games 24/7 to able to understand people so simply but that was Vik's talent. He was awful at everyday things like tying his own shoelaces but he was truly a genius. He managed to balance video games and school perfectly and although he wasn't popular, he still had a good group of friends.

Harry suspected that Vik had known at least for the past few days. With Simon getting so close to him out of a sudden and then asking Vik for help on figuring out his sexuality, he was bound to find out.

At first, Harry denied it, not wanting for it to be true. Simon was just another friend, right? But he knew that wasn't true, Vik was his best friend too and he didn't have the constant urge to kiss him as he did with Simon. With Vik, he wanted to play video games, maybe talk about serious things if it was very late at night. With Simon, he wanted to hold his hand, kiss him, make him feel better.

It was very different and Harry was finally understanding. The constant tickling each other was maybe turning too constant. His hugs were longer, his smiles were brighter.

Harry threw himself back into his bed, realising that he was utterly and completely fucked.

**_"you're why I'm sitting here,_ **   
**_hating myself for needing someone so bad,_ **   
**_and feeling dumb dumb dumb dumb,_ **   
**_god damn._ **

**_mind your head, I've lost my mind,_ **  
**_from thinking about, thinking about you all the time._ **  
**_mind your head, has lost_ ** **_its_ ** **_sight,_ **  
**_from thinking about, thinking about you all the time"_ **

It was maybe two in the morning or sometime close to it so Harry was at the point where he didn't care anymore and just needed to talk to someone. He texted Vik, whom he knew was still awake because it was a Saturday night, he had to be playing video games.

A few minutes later, he got a text back from Vik, asking what did he need.

** vik barn **

**_What is it, do you need anything Harry?_ **

**_nah_ ** **_,_ ** **_mate its ok,,, well, I mean, remember about before? well you're right and I hate it and now I can't stop thinking about him and,, wHY DID YOU MAKE ME REALISE THIS_ **

**_It's a good thing, trust me_ **

**_i don't like you >:(_ **

**_Well, I dislike you too, you're the one texting at this cursed hour_ **

**_uh,, you got me there-_ **

**_See, I always win._ **

**_fuck you_ **

**_Goodnight-_ **

.•*

That Monday, three weeks after the last time the two of them had actually hung out together excluding band practice, Harry was eating his sandwich next to Vik, having an inkling that something was wrong. He still hadn't seen Simon anywhere, he was beginning to get a little worried. Simon still had lunch with JJ and the rest but today he was missing from his usual spot.

Small things like these were usually nothing to worry about but JJ had a strange expression on his face that made Harry very uncomfortable. It was true that his and Simon's friendship had been on the rocks lately which lead him to believe that something bad had probably occurred.

Harry quickly finished his sandwich and excused himself from Vik and the Cals before running to the music room. He could only hope Simon was there because he wouldn't know where else to find him.

When he turned the corner, he heard the crashing of cymbals and immediately relaxed. Simon was there, he was okay. Harry quietly opened the door and indeed he was there, drumming his life away.

He patiently waited until Simon finished the song and saw him sitting in the corner. "Hey."

"What are you doing here?"

"Honestly? I was just looking for you. Did anything happen today?"

Simon's face immediately darkened, proving Harry's theory. "How the fuck did you know"

"I'm intuitive I guess. Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Not really, I just had a fight with JJ and now I don't know what to do. I mean, I have football in a while and I don't really know if I can stand seeing him. I want to punch him in the face so fucking bad but I can't."

"Do you wanna just stay here this afternoon? We can practice together, we still have to do it anyway if the band's ever going to improve," Harry was already planning on staying late that afternoon, he was going to try to improve at bending, he still hadn't gotten the hang of it.

"Sure."

.•*

Maths couldn't have passed slower. Harry had nearly dozed off when he was suddenly poked in the back with a pencil by Vik.

"What the fuck do you want, that hurt!" Harry hissed at him, low enough for Vik to hear but not to warrant attention from the teacher.

"Mate, where did you even go to at lunch, we all have questions," Vik told him and he saw that the two Cals were also looking at him with questioning looks.

"Oi fuck off, it doesn't matter, just went to the bathroom"

Vik shot him a look that said that he didn't believe him and then turned to the Cals. Harry heard him mutter something about Simon and just groaned and softly banged his head onto the desk. Vik knew everything but the Cals didn't, there was no reason why they had to. But Vik was probably telling them everything anyway, they would figure it out soon.

That was when the bell rang and Harry had never been quicker to leave a classroom. He reached the music room in less than a minute but it wasn't empty as he expected it, George and Alex were there for some reason.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

"We could ask you the same question," Alex said and stuck out his tongue at him, provoking Harry to do the same.

George just rolled his eyes and Harry noticed it was the first time he had seen them, his stupid sunglasses weren't there for once. He had striking blue eyes and they were pretty — just not as pretty at Simon's. Those were the kind that took your breath away and sparkled when he smiled on those rare occasions.

"We were just picking up the bass, Phil let me borrow it for a while to practice. Alex was just helping me with the amp and cables" George shrugged and turned to leave and that's when Harry realised how he looked at Alex.

He saw how Alex was wearing George's sunglasses on his head and how the tips of his ears were pink. That's when everything clicked. The way Alex would constantly annoy him to get his attention, the way George jumped whenever someone would touch him unless it was Alex, the way they would react whenever someone mentioned the other's name. They were absolutely adorable and Harry wished they would get together, wishing his unrequited crush felt the same way about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey I'm alive yay enjoy this,,, whenever I don't update for over four days I add more words so this one is 1.2k yay,,,,  
> anyway, prepare yourself for the next chapter because I'm a depressed fuck who has listened to headfirst for halos by mcr one too many times,,, on that note I'll probably name the next chapter that,,, ok, bye :)
> 
> oh and this chapter is named after a waterparks song,,, we just vibe to parx,,,,


	14. headfirst for halos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: suicide ideation, romanticisation of suicide (kind of), bullying, slurs
> 
> .
> 
> headfirst for halos is a beautiful song and I really love the guitars in it,,, it's just,, art

**_simon._ **

Although he felt happier, every day at school was worse. Football was becoming a dreaded activity, it wasn't fun anymore. JJ wasn't there for him anymore and he realised it. If it was awful before, it was way worse now.

Something happened to JJ, he barely talked to Simon anymore. They all still had lunch together but now Josh and Tobi wouldn't hold back on hurling insults because their pea brains thought it was comedy. Somehow Ethan was the nicest to him, his demeanour hadn't changed.

On that Monday, Simon walked to school alone, trying to avoid JJ. It wasn't successful because the moment he entered school grounds, they found him. JJ was right outside his locker, waiting for him. Thankfully the others were nowhere to be seen so it couldn't be a bad thing, right?

"Hey, Simon," JJ said in a singsong voice which made Simon's skin prickle. That wasn't a good tone and he had to press his legs together so his knees wouldn't shake. When he didn't say anything and stood there silently, JJ continued. "Mate, where the fuck have you been?"

"What do you mean?" Simon questioned him, hoping he didn't stutter because JJ definitely wasn't being friendly.

"Oh, you definitely do. You've been missing for the past few weeks, you never show up to hang out anymore, what happened to you?" Although JJ was angry, Simon could sense the hurt in his voice, after all, they had known each other for years. "What's the reason, give me a fucking answer!"

"I just can't. I'm sorry JJ, I just can't keep up being like this anymore. You of all people know what I'm actually like, just let me be myself."

JJ just scoffed at those words. "So you mean you want to go back to being that antisocial kid whom everyone hates? I did everything I could fucking do for you to stop being bullied and now you're just walking away?"

"JJ, you were bullied too, I know you felt the same that I do now. You just adapted, I can't. I'm sorry, JJ, I just can't deal with all of this shit anymore, just let me be myself." Simon hated saying it but he had to, school was his only safe place and everyone was constantly trying to change him, mould him into the person they wanted him to be. He fucking despised it, school wasn't as bad as home but it was close. He hadn't done this before because he didn't have anywhere else to run but now he saw comfort in his new friends, especially Harry. He couldn't stand living like this anymore, he had to say goodbye.

"Simon, you know I can't protect you anymore, you're going to be alone now." Simon saw the pain in his eyes as JJ spoke, he didn't want him to leave.

"I'm aware." Simon gave him a small smile. "I guess this is goodbye then."

"I guess this is." JJ shook his head and left and Simon nearly began crying right in the middle of the school hallway.

It pained him so much to have done that but he didn't have another choice. JJ had to keep his reputation up, even if Simon thought it was the dumbest thing in the universe. But it had helped before, Simon wouldn't have survived secondary school if not for it. JJ had always had his back, he protected him from anything, while Simon would keep him grounded in return.

But their friendship couldn't be sustained for any longer. It had been years since they met and they were completely different people now. Their paths had divided and they had to accept it.

.•*

He was absolutely miserable. He spent the entire morning in one of the bathroom cubicles, staring at the wall, thinking about every single mistake he had made. When it was lunch, the bathroom wasn't quiet anymore so he went to the music room, wanting to forget everything. The drums were his only comfort at the moment for he couldn't just go up to Harry and say that he was the only thing keeping him from wanting to die when they had only become friends a bit over a month ago.

He absentmindedly began playing Headfirst for Halos by My Chemical Romance because maybe he had listened to that song way too much over the past few days. The song's cheery tone fooled most people, they wouldn't listen deeper to the dark lyrics and overall message. The guitars in it were absolutely incredible and never failed to distract people from the storyline which was actually about suicide. 

**_"Well let's go back to the middle of the day that starts it all,_ **   
**_I can't begin to let you know just what I'm feeling._ **   
**_and now these red ones make me fly and the blue ones make me fall,_ **   
**_and I think I'll blow my brains against the ceiling._ **

**_and as the fragments of my skull begin to fall,_ **   
**_fall on your tongue like pixie dust, just think happy thoughts."_ **

The character would repeat the message over and over, trying to prevent himself from committing suicide. In the end, the message is suddenly cut off, representing the character finally killing himself, his own words weren't useful enough to stop him.

He knew it was unhealthy for him to listen to that song on repeat but he just couldn't stop himself, at least it drowned out the voice inside his head telling him to do the same. Simon was about to break down crying when Harry entered the room.

They agreed to meet up in the same place when the school day handed and that lifted Simon's spirits up a little, but only for a short while. When the final bell rang, Simon left the bathroom stall (he wasn't feeling good enough to attend class) and was met with the displeasing faces of Josh and Tobi. Ethan was just sitting on the sink, eating sweets, watching what was about to happen.

The two boys grabbed him and dunked his face into the toilet. Simon came back up, sputtering and wondering why this was happening now. He was fucking seventeen, this hadn't happened to him since he was twelve.

The two boys were calling slurs - how creative of them - whilst the other laughed. Simon didn't even care, he wasn't listening anymore, he was distracted by the other boy whose face appeared in the doorway for a millisecond. He managed to see the remorseful expression on his face, he knew this wasn't JJ's fault, as much as he wanted to blame him for all of this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I fucking hated writing this chapter because I love JJ, Ethan, Tobi & Josh so much but I had to let out some feelings,,, luckily I was never bullied to the extent of getting my head dunked into a toilet, the perks of going to an only girls school I guess.  
> anyway, the next few chapters are definitely going to be more cheery.  
> yesterday I had the stupid maths test I've been working really hard on which was why I haven't been active but I just wrote the next two chapters right now and I love the last one,,,, nothing's better than teenage boys being chaotic during band practice-


	15. blonde

**_harry._ **

After he waited in the music room for nearly half an hour, Simon arrived, absolutely drenched. His eyes were bloodshot red and he looked simply awful.

"Simon, what happened to you?" Harry asked the moment Simon threw himself to the floor of the music room and just lay there, flat on his stomach.

"Don't wanna talk about it." Simon mumbled from the ground, in a dead tone. He groaned and turned around, now staring at the ceiling. "Okay, maybe I do want to talk about it a little bit, are you sure you even want to listen?"

Harry nodded, genuinely interested in his story. He loved it when Simon talked, there was so much he didn't know about him yet.

"Uh, then, I guess it started this morning when I broke up with JJ. Not like in a boyfriend way but in a best friend way which was probably worse. I'm still so fucking sad about it and I shouldn't be, after all, I was the one who told him that I just couldn't be friends with him anymore. That's why I was here at lunch. Then, when I was coming back here to meet you, Josh and Tobi found me... I ended up with my head down the school's toilets."

"Fucking hell, Simon, I swear I'm going to find them and beat the shit out of them-"

"Harry, don't you dare, it's actually okay. I mean, I definitely resent them but I saw this coming. They hated me and have been waiting to do this for a long time for some stupid fucking reason. JJ isn't going to protect me anymore and they know it. I don't think they'll do this again anytime soon but I will avoid them as much as possible — fuck, what am I going to do with football, my dad is going to kill me if I don't go."

Harry thought in silence for a while until an idea came to him. "I'm sorry I can't help you with much but I have a solution for your last problem. Instead of going to football practice, we can stay here and practice for band or we can go anywhere, I don't really mind."

Simon looked extremely surprised at his proposition, maybe it was too out of the blue. "Are you actually willing to do that? You know I'm supposed to go every Monday and Wednesday, right?"

"Yeah, why not? We are friends, after all, this will be fun! And we'll be the best players in the entire band if we put enough dedication into it."

"Thank you, Harry. I'm sorry for being such a fucking prick in the past, I never should've been rude to you."

"It's okay, I forgot about it anyway." The two of them then drifted off into silence for a while until Harry asked him a question. "How are you feeling about JJ?"

"Sad, bad, mad. I fucking hate myself for doing it. I miss him already, you know?"

Harry nodded in return. Seeing Simon like this broke Harry's heart and he needed to make him feel better. Maybe distracting him could work, he always had topics to talk about with him.

"Hey, you know the band Waterparks? I've been listening to them a lot in the past few weeks and they're like the music you listen to a lot, I mean they're technically pop punk."

"I have heard of them, yes, but I only know a few of their songs"

"That means you definitely have heard 'Blonde' before. Come on, I wanna learn how to play it, don't you wanna do drums?" Harry extended his hand to him to help him up. Simon smiled and made his way to the drumset. He definitely knew what Harry was trying to do but went along with it anyway.

They listened to the song a couple of times to learn it well before just looking up the tabs on google because they were too lazy to do it by ear. After a short while, Harry got it, it was a pretty simple song to play. He was doing rhythm this time, he couldn't be bothered to do lead.

It turned out that the two of them worked extremely well together and synced up almost perfectly only after a few tries. Simon looked calm and collected now, anyone would've thought he was his normal self again but Harry knew better. He could still see the pain in his eyes, he was probably crying on the inside but he still kept his wall up, no one could see his weaknesses.

That is, except Harry. He was beginning to catch on and understand the person in front of him. Simon had put so many walls up, it was difficult to know the true him. First, there was the fake arrogant persona he used to put up, that was the Simon he had known for the past few years. He was edgy and even cruel sometimes, just to fit in with JJ and his friends. That Simon was thankfully long gone and would probably never make a comeback, at least Harry hoped.

Then, you had the quiet Simon. That version of himself was his default, how he would act around people he didn't know. He had only been like that in the first few band practices. After that, you had friendly Simon. That was the first true layer of himself, the one Harry had come to known. He would joke about and actually laugh, usually around Harry or the Cals but even the year 11s knew that version of him.

Finally, you had the deepest version of himself that no one really knew, Simon never let the last wall crack. That was until today when Harry had finally caught a glimpse of what Simon had so desperately tried to hide. That was his true self, the depressed part of him that felt way too many emotions. He was broken inside and did anything to forget it all but Harry could see through him.

Simon was drumming his life out and Harry stared at him in awe. He had never seen someone as brave as him or as inspiring. The listened to the lyrics of the song they were playing and he realised that he was so dumb, what if Simon figured out what he was feeling?

**_"at least it's all about you,_ **

**_I think the blondes are done with fun,_ **

**_at least it's all about you,_ **

**_I think the blondes are done, we're all too cool for fun_ **

**_I go blonde when I'm sad, blew motivation I had_ **

**_to make my still-beating something not hurt that bad"_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the real life Simon Minter is the gayest straight man ever,,,,
> 
> also I love writing my notes at the end of every chapter and seeing comments,,, they make my day lol—


	16. bitches

**_simon._ **

The days were getting shorter, the wind was getting colder but Simon was happier. The gloomy England weather didn't match his mood at all, he felt warm on the inside whenever he saw Harry.

Everything in his life was better, his parents still fought a lot but he was never home so it didn't even matter. He was spending more time with the rest of Harry's friends and all of the band members. He surprisingly started growing closer to Vik, who would sometimes join him and Harry on their afternoons of doing nothing, avoiding football practice.

JJ, on the other hand, had completely disappeared from his life. Simon walked alone to school in the mornings and sat at lunch with the Cals, Vik, Stephen, Will and Harry instead. He didn't go to football anymore and thanked whatever superior being he didn't believe in that he didn't share any classes with JJ.

Although he never saw JJ anymore, Simon was aware of the presence of the others. He would sometimes get tripped in the hallway or receive letters calling him a faggot but he didn't even care anymore. They were just small things that didn't even matter, there was no point in giving his tormentors any more attention.

"fUCK YOU!" Alex yelled, making Simon jump before realising it was directed at George.

Simon snapped back to reality just to see an awful scene unfold before his eyes. Alex had snatched George's sunglasses, causing him to chase him around the music room, trying to beat him in the head with a hardcover book. James and Will were having a brawl in the middle of the floor, Harry was swinging a ukulele around, trying to hit everyone, Stephen was pressing random notes on the keyboard and Phil just looked deeply exasperated.

"Harry, why the fuck is Will here?" Simon asked him when he had gotten close, but not enough to bonk him in the head with the instrument in his hand.

"Uh, I dunno mate," He just shrugged before raising his voice so it could be heard over all of the noise. "hEY WILL, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

"JAMES STOLE 5 QUID FROM ME AND I WANT MY MONEY BACK" Will just yelled from the floor, grabbing James by the foot so that he couldn't escape.

Although they were knocking over chairs and desks, Simon's attention was drawn somewhere else, for Alex and George had crashed into the drumset again. Harry just sighed and erased the part on the whiteboard that said: "9 DAYS SINCE ALEX AND JAMES HAVE KNOCKED OVER THE DRUMSET" and put it back to 0.

Phil just banged his head against the desk table. "Oh, how I hate you all."

Alex responded by blowing raspberries at him in the most immature manner possible and George took advantage of his distraction by snatching his sunglasses back and putting them on his face again.

"Oh, fuck you, George! You know you look like an asshole when you wear them inside and it's not even summer, right? Also, why do you even need them, we live in fucking England." Alex was poking George with his finger as he spoke, provoking him to push him off the desk the two of them were sitting on.

"Guys, order! Band practice can't turn into the pits of hell every single time! Goddamn, I hate being a teacher." Phil had completely given up on them and looked like he was about to jump off a cliff, so Simon interjected.

"Uh, I have a temporary solution for this. We're all bored, right? 'Cause frankly, Phil only chooses boring songs to learn-"

"yEAH, THE BEATLES SUCK" Alex interrupted him and James just smacked him in the head so he would shut up.

"Anyway," Simon continued, "I think that all of us should write down one or two songs and then we put them in a box or something and then pull out a random one to practice that day. Do you all agree?"

Everyone nodded and scrambled to find bits of paper to write on. After thinking for a short while, Simon finally settled on Holiday by Green Day and Panama by Van Halen. They all put their suggestions in an empty box that was once filled with guitar picks but were long gone now.

Phil took out a small piece of paper and his expression shifted almost instantly. "Okay, who suggested Bitches by Mindless Self Indulgence?"

Alex gave out a small cackle from his corner and Phil just sighed. "Thanks to Alex, there are rules now. First of all, absolutely no MSI at all. Also, if any of you dare to put Smoke on Water, I'm quitting."

"You're just pissed because biTCHES LOVE ME CAUSE THEY KNOW THAT I CAN ROCK, BITCHES LOVE ME CAUSE THEY KNOW THAT I CAN RHYME-" Alex had begun to yell the lyrics but was stopped by George, who had pulled his dirty sock off his feet and into Alex's mouth.

"Let's just ignore that and get another one." Phil pulled out a piece of paper from the box and read it out loud. It was Breed by Nirvana. Simon raised an eyebrow at Harry who just nodded in return, confirming that he had chosen the song.

.•*

When practice was over, Simon was walking home with Harry, like they usually did. This time they were talking about the Halloween party that Will was throwing on Saturday and trying to come up with good costume ideas, a near-impossible task.

"How the fuck am I supposed to create a good costume in two days?" Harry groaned as he kicked a pebble across the pavement.

"To be fair, he did announce the party over a week ago, we're just dumb and forgot to think of any sooner."

Harry looked deep in thought as he walked, mumbling to himself. "I fucking give up mate, I'm just going to go as a ghost and wear sheets, you can be like a clown or something."

Simon shrugged, it wasn't too hard to pull off. He was glad that they all were going to get ready at Lux's house because his father would beat the everloving shit out of him if he saw his son in makeup, even if it was just for a costume.

They were at his house already and his stomach churned with the thought of going in but he didn't have a choice. He said goodbye to Harry and made his way into the hellhole that wasn't his home anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fbsjsbdjhs i like imagining alex listening to msi but he's just a lesbian who has been listening to i wanna be your girlfriend by girl in red on repeat-
> 
> also,,, if you write minishaw fics (on here and Wattpad) just comment cause im interested in reading them-  
> and finally,,, i started uploading this fic to the same name on wattpad,, my account is @i-eroween


	17. spiderhead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it took me a while to write this one, i hope you like it :)

**_harry._ **

"Your music fucking sucks, you know that right?" Harry told Lux as he snatched his phone away from him, trying to change the shitty rap song he was playing. He changed the music but Cal didn't really mind, Harry mostly listened to popular indie songs that they all enjoyed.

His costume was ready so he was just laying on top of Lux's bed, trying to annoy the shit out of everyone. He had gone as a ghost in the end so he was just wearing sheets and there was a mask in his hand, just the typical one from Scream.

Everyone else was still dressing up and adding details but Simon was clearly struggling with his clown makeup so Harry went up to him. "Do you need any help?"

Simon just stared at the white facepaint and sighed. "Yeah, maybe I do."

Harry told him to sit in a chair and he began painting the other boy's entire face in white while humming to Spiderhead by Cage The Elephant. Simon was with his eyes closed and didn't seem tense at all, something that was becoming more frequent. He had changed so much in the span of the last two months and Harry was extremely impressed by it.

"spiders in my head, spiders in my mind, you may take my eyes, but baby I'm not blind" Harry was singing softly now but he didn't mind, no one except for Simon could hear him anyway. It was extremely relaxing to paint his face and he was enjoying it. He was now painting Simon's face with a shade of bright blue, trying to create a creepy clown smile but it wasn't working, he was getting too distracted by his lips.

Harry shook himself from his thoughts and distanced himself a bit from the boy and tried to turn him into a clown. He finished and took a step back, admiring his work of art. "Do you like it?"

Simon stood up and went to the bathroom to properly see his face in the mirror. "Oh this is fucking awesome - I just need a red nose and a wig and I'm set, thank you so much, Harry"

Harry smiled and went back to bullying the rest of them. After what felt like two hours but was only around 20 minutes, Vik finished adding fake blood to his vampire costume and the Cals stuck on fake moustaches to represent Mario and Luigi.

When they got to Will's, the party was in full swing and the host was nowhere to be seen. Luckily, Harry found James almost instantly but when he turned around to say something to Simon, the lanky boy had somehow managed to get lost in the crowd.

Before he could even try to go find him, James had handed him a drink and was pulling him over to meet some other people. Harry managed to have the most awkward conversation ever and managed to escape after what seemed like an eternity.

He wasn't free from everything though, Stephen and Freezy dragged him over to dance and he didn't have a reason to say no, so he just went along with it. Harry danced for what seemed was hours and was tipsy at the point he managed to free himself from his dumb friends who were now trying to find him a girlfriend, for whatever reason.

He looked around the entire house and only ran into Will, who was throwing sweets and later on, Alex and George. The two of them were making out on the couch and probably fucking wasted, the goddamn lightweights. Although he was the same age as them, Harry had the urge to smack them in the head and tell them that they shouldn't be getting drunk that young.

Harry somehow managed to get to a balcony on the second floor and was surprised to see Simon already sitting there on the ground, legs crossed and shivering. His clown costume was too thin for the cold England weather, it was midnight and the little warmth that the sun gave them was long gone.

"Huh, it got too overbearing for you too?" Simon asked him when he sat down next to him. Harry just nodded and threw him his hoodie, he could see that Simon's lips were most definitely blue under the clown makeup, for his teeth were chattering. "Why are you giving me this?"

"Fucking twat, you're freezing, I'm not, so just put the goddamn thing on before you die of hypothermia or something."

Simon laughed at him trying to be intimidating, he just wasn't scary but he put the hoodie on anyway. The conversation had died as quickly as it had begun but they didn't mind, the silence between them was comfortable enough.

The music was extremely loud but Harry still felt like it was far away, his brain had chosen to ignore the party that was going on inside the house. Instead, he was much more focused on the few stars he managed to see, the rest were hidden due to light pollution.

He had started laying his head softly on Simon's shoulder but now he was on top of his chest and his steady heartbeat was a relaxing sound. He gazed up to see Simon smiling down to him and maybe their faces were too close for his liking.

Harry wasn't drunk yet, only tipsy, but maybe the alcohol gave him a little bit more of courage because there was no way he would've done what he did. He overthought everything and in sometimes it was a curse, which is why he was glad that he had managed to have a few drinks.

Maybe it was the drinks, maybe it was his dumb heart, maybe it was the way Simon's eyes were on him, but suddenly Harry leaned closer. Simon's lips were incredibly soft and tasted like cheap alcohol and skittles. The music was faint in the background, the only thing that mattered to him was that Simon was kissing him back, he couldn't care less about his surroundings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SGSDFGSHD I JUST FINISHED PLAYING DANGANRONPA AND AAAAAH JUNKO-  
> .  
> oh and i watched the camping video like half an hour ago and i love it so much,,, i mean,, JJ stabbing the tent, Harry throwing the chair and then throwing the tent to the lake,,,,, Ethan asking if he was cake,,, JJ trying to cut a tree with a shovel,,, the beans,,,,,,,   
> i just loved that video so much
> 
> also simon's new hair is god tier,,, one of the best-


	18. don't you know who I think I am?

**_simon._ **

The instant he lost Harry from his sight, he started panicking. He knew that the probability of JJ showing up to Will's party was almost nonexistent but he still feared he'd bump into him.

One thing about Simon was that he had always disliked actually going to parties. The idea of going to one was great but the moment he was there he just shut himself up in his stupid walls again. He didn't like socialising, a smaller party with just his friends would be fine. Oh right, he kind of didn't have an actual friend group yet, he would just latch on to Harry's sometimes.

It's not like he didn't love the rest of the band members, it's just that he felt like he was a burden to them. He was just the weird older kid who hung out with them for being a social reject, at least that's what he thought he was.

The loud music, the cramped space, the people reeking of alcohol and the absence of good light proved to be extremely exhausting. Nothing sounded better than escaping but sadly for him, Will had found him.

Will introduced him to his girlfriend Mia and James suddenly popped up in the middle of the conversation. He was probably the youngest person at the party if you excluded Alex, George and Harry but he was having the time of his life. He looked older anyway, Simon had never seen a 15-year-old that tall, they were almost at the same height.

He was suddenly whisked away by Lux who said he had found a hot girl which was honestly quite stupid of him. Apparently drunk Cal had forgotten that Simon was, in fact, gay.

He ended up getting along with the girl, it tuned out her name was Freya and she had been dating Josh for a while. After some time the conversation dwindled and he excused himself.

The house was too big and he quickly got lost. He walked through the hallways that seemed to extend for forever, breaths getting more shallow with each passing second. Somehow he ended up in the balcony and he was quietly staring at the stars when Harry suddenly walked in.

He threw him a hoodie and that's when Simon noticed that he was actually cold. The tips of his fingers had turned blue and he was visibly shaking.

Time passed so quickly whenever he was with Harry, so he didn't even notice that he was laying on his chest until he moved. He had tilted his head upwards, a smile on his lips and his deep blue eyes were gazing into his soul.

Simon wondered how someone could be so beautiful, his eyes were shining like the stars in the sky and his hair felt as soft as his hoodie. He was too busy admiring Harry to realise that he was edging closer to his face.

Suddenly Harry was kissing him and time seemed to freeze in place. Nothing mattered but _him_.

His lips were soft against his, with a faint taste of strawberry chapstick on them. Simon was kissing a boy this time and the difference from all the girls he had ever kissed was clear.

The fact that Harry was a boy made it feel forbidden but he didn't care about what his father would say anymore. It was also that there was something more between them, he wasn't making out with a random girl just to please his friends anymore, he was doing what he actually wanted.

He heard a scream and a loud crash coming from inside the house but extremely close to where they were sitting and they broke apart, startled.

The two of them peeked inside the room and saw Will having a fistfight with some annoying dude named Bryan. Harry just moved past them and went downstairs, grabbing a random bottle of alcohol in the process and drinking it on his way to the living room.

Simon was left alone on the balcony, ignoring the fighting boys, head still trying to process what had happened. Harry had kissed him, yes, but he was probably very drunk. There was no way he was going to remember it tomorrow and Simon would have to deal with it.

It's his fault for being gay, it's his fault for being attracted to him. He had just gotten a good best friend that he wouldn't trade for the world but he had to go and screw it up by making out with him.

Maybe Harry had kissed him first but he probably didn't mean any of it, he was just drunk, and sometimes drunk people kiss their friends. He had seen Ethan drunkenly kiss Lux on the lips once at a party and they barely knew each other and both of them were completely straight.

Simon has to forget about what happened between him and Harry, it was no good to anyone. He cursed himself for falling for the only other best friend he had ever had, it was like Simon was destined to like people who wouldn't like him back.

He went downstairs and found a half-empty bottle of vodka, drinking whatever was left to try to get his mind off things. Everyone was still having fun, he spotted Vik & Stephen who were dancing on top of a table, and Lux & Freezy were nearby, flirting with some girls. Alex & George were under the drinks table, grabbing random people's feet to scare them, it was in their annoying natures, and Will was happily dancing with Mia.

As much as he looked for him, he never managed to see Harry again, he had completely disappeared. When the party had ended, Simon was helping clean up the house, picking up trash from the floor but Harry was gone.

He asked everyone if they had seen Harry after 1 in the morning, but the others hadn't seen him since he had gone up to the balcony.

Simon had really fucked up.

_**"I could learn to pity fools as I'm the worst of all,  
** _ _**and I can't stop feeling sorry for myself"** _


	19. I've got a dark alley and a bad idea that says you should shut your mouth (summer song)

**_harry._ **

**_"_** ** _joke me something awful just like kisses on the necks of_ ** **_'_ ** **_best friends_ ** **_'_ **  
**_we're the kids who feel like dead ends"_ **

Harry laughed sourly upon listening to the Fall Out Boy song that was playing on his phone. Kisses on the lips of best friends, that was worse, for sure.

He would bet that Simon didn't even know that it had happened, he had probably been piss drunk at that moment, which made Harry feel even worse. He hadn't been sober either, but had he taken advantage of him?

Harry gave out a small scream into his pillow. He didn't want to face him, what if he remembered?

**_"and I want to be known for my hits, not just my misses,_ **   
**_I took a shot and didn't even come close at trust and love and hope"_ **

The first day was the worst. He avoided Simon like the plague, running away every time he saw the top of his head from afar. It was miserable but it was all he could do, Harry was well and truly an absolute coward.

He even skipped lunch and went straight home when school ended, not showing up to his biweekly practices with Simon (or what they called "fucking around procrastinating" which Vik sometimes joined in) he just couldn't face him. Harry knew that Vik was going to be there anyway so it wasn't like he was going to leave him alone.

.•*

The second day was nearly as bad. There were dark circles under his eyes due to the sleepless nights he had been having since Friday. He wasn't able to function properly and managed to drift off in half of his classes, earning him bad looks from his teachers. Harry felt like someone had removed his brain and replaced it with a pillow because he wasn't able to think at all. 

It was hard to avoid Simon in his zombie-like state but he managed to do it anyway, running away whenever he thought he heard his voice nearby. Doing it was exhausting but Harry felt like he didn't have a choice, he was too much of a coward to face him. He even ended up skipping band practice, even though Simon wasn't the only one who's going to be there but he just couldn't stand the thought of being in the same room as him.

The guilt was starting to get to Harry because not only was he harming Simon, but he was also harming the entire band by not showing up. But then again, they did have enough members, sometimes you don't need two guitarists. They were going to be fine without him.

 _**"please put the doctor on the phone  
'cause I'm not making any sense  
** _ _**blame everyone but me for this mess,  
** _ _**and my back has been breaking from this heavy heart"** _

.•*

On the third day, during lunch, Vik decided that he was fed up with him. He found Harry in an empty classroom and slapped him in the face.

"Harry, what the fuck is wrong with you!"

"Goddammit, Vik! That hurt!" It actually hadn't but Harry wanted him to feel guilty, he was interrupting his sulking.

"Is something wrong? You haven't shown up for lunch for three days straight, you look like shit and you dart away from Simon like if he was evil. Did something happen between you two?"

Harry groaned and buried his face in his hands before mumbling out a few words. "Maybe. Kind of. He doesn't remember."

"Harry, just talk to me, I'm here to listen, I won't judge you." Vik was sitting cross-legged on the floor, waiting patiently for him to respond.

"Fine then. Ikindoffuckingkissedhimbutweweredrunksoitdoesntmatterbutistilldontwanttoseehimbecauseikindahaveamassivecrushonhim."

"What?"

Harry repeated everything again but slower and his face had turned tomato red. "I kind of fucking kissed him but we were drunk so it doesn't matter but I still don't want to see him because I kinda have a massive crush on him. Fuck you Vik for making me tell you this."

"Oh my god."

Harry kicked him softly in the side. "You're the smart friend, be useful."

"But I'm shit at advice! Do you really want to hear what I have to say?"

"No." Harry gave it a second thought and changed his mind. "Maybe yes, I really don't know what the fuck to do!"

"Okay, so, you said that he doesn't remember, right? That simplifies it so much because, in his eyes, nothing has changed. And for you, I'd just start acting normally, suck it up and be nice to him, maybe he likes you back and you're too stupid to notice it."

"Thanks, Vik."

.•*

That afternoon, he looked for Simon everywhere but the tall boy was nowhere to be seen. He finally found him under the stairs, headphones in his ears, ignoring the world around him. Harry plucked one of the small earbuds out and put it in his. "What are we listening to?"

"Uh, it's just The Brobecks, I've been listening to their only album on repeat. Why are you here, I thought you had gone home already"

"Why would I, we always hang out at this hour - also I'm sorry I basically disappeared for the last two days, I had a lot of stuff to deal with at home, my little brother broke his arm and I had to help out"

 **"and the record won't stop skipping,  
and the lies just won't stop slipping  
** **and besides my reputation's on the line"**

The stupid song lyrics written by Pete Wentz had been rattling inside his head for too many days now. It was a great song but he didn't need it to remind him of his own problems, he related to it a bit too much.

But fine, he wasn't telling Simon the complete truth. It's not like Josh hadn't broken his arm, it just wasn't the reason why he hadn't been present. Harry had worried about it too much, everything was okay between them. That only showed that Simon didn't remember that night which made Harry feel better but worse at the same time, he couldn't help but wonder what would've happened if he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im back at my parent's house and i fucking hate it how great,, also stan pre hiatus fall out boy cause from under the cork tree slaps


	20. crushcrushcrush

**_simon._ **

The few days after the party, Harry had completely disappeared. The boy was nowhere to be seen and Simon was starting to get worried. What if he did remember and he was avoiding him because of it?

It was already Wednesday when Harry showed up like nothing had happened at all and he had been there the whole time. He had apparently been busy with family stuff and Simon was inclined to believe him because his behaviour didn't seem very different. He couldn't tell if Harry felt uncomfortable about them kissing or liked him so everything was right back to normal.

It worked for Simon, at least he thought it did. He had grown used to dealing with having a crush on his best friend so he knew how to act normally. Repress everything and then not sleep at night, it was healthy, right?

If he was able to deal with it, then nothing else mattered.

.•*

Nope, Simon was completely wrong, he absolutely could not deal with it. It had only been three weeks and they had felt like torture to him. With each passing day his feelings got stronger, and he hated not being able to talk to anyone about it.

The only person he confided enough was Harry, which was why he had stayed quiet for so long. If it was any other topic he would talk to the Cals or Vik (who he had surprisingly grown extremely close to recently) but he couldn't with this. Simon found it extremely hard to open up and the fact that it was all about Harry, one of their closest friends, made it even more difficult.

Yes, Vik probably knew but he didn't have enough courage to talk to him. What was he even supposed to say, "I have a giant crush on your best friend"? Nope, that wouldn't work at all. It wase couldn't get his mind off Harry, and that resulted in him bumping into several things on the way to school.

The song that he was currently playing switched to crushcrushcrush by Paramore and Simon just wanted to smack his head into a wall. How fitting, he just wanted to get distracted by music and then his phone betrayed him and did that.

**_"nothing compares to a quiet evening alone,_ **   
**_just the one two of us is counting on,_ **   
**_that never happens, I guess I'm dreaming again,_ **   
**_let's be more than this._ **   
**_if you wanna play it like a game,_ **   
**_come on, come on let's play._ **   
**_'cause I'd rather waste my life pretending_ **   
**_than have to forget you for one whole minute"_ **

Simon's mind flicked back to reality when someone pulled an earbud out and yelling "boo" into his ear, making him jump. He hadn't realised he was already inside the school which was why Harry's appearance had startled him so much.

"Hey, what are you listening to?" Harry asked, as he stole an earbud which made Simon wish that he could spontaneously combust right then and there. Luckily the song was ending and it quicky switched to another Paramore song that Harry probably knew.

"Just Paramore. How are you so energetic right now, it's way too early."

"Well, don't kill me, but I might have drank three cups of coffee because I didn't sleep last night and now maybe I'm too hyper," He said extremely quickly, proving his point. Simon hadn't noticed that the boy was shaking in his spot, and he had very dark circles under his eyes. "Anyway, that doesn't matter, I realised you've never gone to my house so you're coming today, you have no excuse to not do it!"

That was where Harry was wrong but Simon couldn't refute him, being hopelessly in love with him wasn't a good enough excuse to not go. That's how he ended up in Harry's room only a few hours later.

"Okay, so, none of my family is at home, my dad's at work, my sister's at a friend's house and my mum went to the park with my little brother so we basically have the entire house to ourselves! We can make as much noise as we want to, they never let me blast music loudly when they're home."

As he talked, Harry was plugging his phone into his guitar amp, since it was the only thing that he had to make the music louder. It started playing Scrawny by Wallows, which made sense because Harry listened to current indie music way too much.

"Okay, let's play 20 questions again, I still don't know many random facts about you." Harry sat on his bed, legs crisscrossed and Simon couldn't help but smile, of course it was Harry who cared about the little things that much.

"Sure, I'll start then. What's the stupidest accident you've had?" Simon was now sitting on the opposite side of the bed, facing him.

"Oh, I fell off the roof once," Harry said it so nonchalantly that he couldn't help but laugh. Harry asked him a question back but in their true manner, they were already having a completely different conversation about kids shows after only three questions.

Two hours later and they had talked about everything they could think about, well, nearly everything. Simon had it on the tip of his tongue but he didn't know how Harry would react to it. Harry was finishing telling him a story about a time he had fallen into a pool while blindfolded and it was look on his face, Simon knew he could trust him.

"I have something to tell you," He said and Harry just nodded, knowing by the tone of his voice that it was going to be serious. Simon took a deep breath and let his secret out. "I'm gay."

"Uh... I know."

Simon was extremely taken aback because out of all the scenarios he had drawn out in his head, this was none of them. Harry was wringing his fingers together and he looked guilty, almost, but he didn't draw back or get away from him which was a good sign. "How?"

"Cal told me. It was an accident and well, I ignored it because I didn't hear it from you. Sorry you got outed, at least no one else knows."

Simon could breathe properly, his secret was still safe with him, only three people knew about it. He did add a mental note to go punch Cal in the face though.

To release him of the awkward situation that had been created, Harry suggested that they should watch a film and Simon just nodded. That was how he ended up eating popcorn on Harry's couch while they watched Dark Shadows.

The energy Harry had gotten from his several coffees was long gone now and he was curled up in a ball, head resting on Simon's shoulder. This caused the older boy to be extremely stiff and stay in the same position for over an hour, not wanting to make Harry uncomfortable.

Simon was dying inside but he couldn't show it, he would just have to deal with it. But as the television screen flashed bright lights, the shadows would dance on Harry's face and Simon realised that he couldn't anymore. Harry chose that moment to look up and Simon took a deep breath before leaning down and kiss him softly.

The film continued playing in the background but Harry was kissing him back,that was all that mattered. The taste of alcohol was long gone and replaced by cherry sweets and Simon wouldn't wish it to be any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAH I REALLY LIKED WRITING THIS ONE SO MUCH,,,,,,  
> also the fact that the real simon has mentioned this song before in a video,,, it fuckin slaps,,,,


	21. scrawny

_**harry.** _

Everything was too loud. The hallways were too noisy and the annoying fluorescent lights were blinding him. The original rush of the coffee had worn out and he was now subjected to the worst biology class in existence.

He had stayed up all night questioning his entire existence and maybe (well, definitely) thinking about Simon too. After several hours he finally came to the conclusion that he was going to do something about it that very day.

He didn't know how he was going to sum up the courage to be able to do it, but he was sure that when backed into a corner he would figure it out. What he hadn't anticipated was the fact that the day itself was going to be awful.

Harry's nerves were on point for the next few hours, for Simon had agreed to go over that afternoon to his house. It would've been much easier if he had said no, Harry was already having second thoughts and the lack of sleep wasn't helping.

Someone snapped their fingers in front of him and he was brought back to the harsh reality of biology class, after nearly having dozed off.

Vik was still talking his ear off about DNA or something, which was exactly why he tuned out. His head was pounding and he had never felt as bad in his life but it was all going to be worth it in the future, right?

.•*

Simon met up with him as soon as class ended. They just walked home like they usually did, except Harry was much more jittery on the inside and dead-looking on the outside. His state was so bad that Cal had compared him to a corpse earlier but thankfully Simon hang said anything about it.

When they got to his house, Harry rushes inside to check who was there. He thanked all lords above that his house was completely empty at the moment, he would've died if Josh or Rosie constantly interrupted him. He just wanted to spend some time alone with his crush — no best friend, was that so wrong about that?

In Harry's room, Simon was being his usual quiet self which was a good thing. If they talked less then Harry wouldn't have the chance to blurt out something stupid, at least that's what he thought.

He was wrong.

The two of them talked for hours, about anything and everything. They would talk about being bullied as kids but then sudenly switch to cake recipes, the conversation never dwindling. It felt natural, they had no walls to put up, the two of them had never been more themselves around anyone else.

Harry was teetering on the edge of telling him absolutely everything, but before he managed to say anything, Simon spoke.

"I'm gay."

They were only two words but Harry was floored. He couldn't believe that Simon, the most closed-off person he knew, actually trusted him enough to say it.

"Uh... I know." was what came out of his mouth before he even thought what he was going to say. He didn't mean it that way, it had come out wrong and now he began pulling a couple of hairs out of nervousness. His scalp ached like hell but that wasn't what he was focused on, instead it was the expression on Simon's face which thankfully changed into one of surprise, not betrayal.

Harry explained everything to him but for the first time in weeks, everything felt awkward as hell again. To try to change it back to the way they were, he suggested that they watch a movie. The dumbasses that they were ended up choosing Dark Shadows because why not.

The all-nighter he had almost pulled off was catching up to him and he began to drift off several times during the movie. Somehow he ended up resting his head on Simon's shoulder but he wasn't complaining, it was a near impossible feat.

Harry had no problem in hugging everyone, he was like a teddy bear, but Simon was the complete opposite. Harry had noticed how much the tall boy hated being touched, he avoided any type of physical contact as much as possible. Whenever he would hug Simon from behind, he would stiffen like if he wasn't a boy but a plank of wood. And that was only with Harry, if anyone else touched him, it was a death wish.

Harry drifted off into a sort of waking dreams until the movie had nearly ended. He felt Simon shift only a bit in his seat but that was enough to wake him up. He could only focus on how pretty Simon looked, even though the lighting was dim.

He gave him a small smile and before he knew it, Simon was kissing him. It was soft but sweet and Harry could have stayed there forever.

Simon actually liked him back.

When they broke apart, Harry couldn't stop a small giggle escape from his lips. "I like you."

Simon now had the biggest smile that Harry had ever seen on his face. It was astonishing how he never really smiled but Harry was what made him crack. "I know."

"Oh. Do you remember what happened at the party then?" Harry quickly came to that conclusion because if not, then how would he know? He buried his face in Simon's chest to avoid looking at his eyes.

"Yes, I do, but I thought you had forgotten."

Upon hearing him, Harry just scoffed. "Mate, I'm 15, I'm not a fucking alcoholic, I was barely tipsy that night."

"You're an idiot, you know that?" Simon said softly, in his kind way. He didn't have a way with words but Harry always knew what he meant. He just snuggled up more to him and closed his eyes, ready to fall asleep again.

Simon ran his fingers through his hair while Harry was playing with the fingers of his other hand. That's when he drifted off, but everything was finally okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY HELLO SORRY I WAS GONE AND SO   
> 1\. UPDATES WILL PROBABLY BE WEEKLY BUT I HAVE TOO MUCH SCHOOL SHIT  
> 2\. AAAAAH I FINISHED PLAYING SUPER DANGANRONPA 2 - WELL A FEW DAYS AGO AND B R U H  
> 3\. IM WATCHING THE DANGANRONPA 3 ANIMES RIGHT NOW,, IM HALFWAY THROUGH BOTH THE DESPAIR ARC AND THE FUTURE ARC AND I LOVE KAZUICHI SO MUCH WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE HIM,,, THE WAY HES SOFT FOR GUNDHAMS FOR DARK DEVAS OF DESTRUCTION,,, ALSO MAHIRU & HIYOKO BUT ALIVEEEEEEEEEEE  
> 4\. THIS WILL BE ENDING SOON IM SORRY,, I already have a sequel semi planned out,, I need a bit of work on the plot but this story will end between 25-30 chapters I suppose. 
> 
> and I have too many ideas so I also wanna write a minishaw fantasy au or post apocalyptic one like the frerard one i once wrote but never posted,,, ooooor danganronpa au cause I'm obsessed with it sorry,,,,,,,,
> 
> so yeah thats it,, adios and see you next week


	22. punch me in the face

**_simon._ **

It was a Monday morning, only a few days since everything had happened but he couldn't stop thinking about it. Harry's birthday was tomorrow and he had no idea what to get him. It couldn't be something easy, it had to be a better gift because they weren't "just friends" anymore. It needed to show how much he cared but he barely had any money to spend, just the few pound notes he would nick off his father's trousers.

He had already written him a short letter, which had absolutely pained him to do. He wrote and rewote it around ten times, trying to make everything perfect. Simon had no idea what would happen if he messed it up and he couldn't afford that risk. Harry was someone with extremely different taste which made gift buying way more difficult than it should be.

On his way to school he tried to think what he could do, baking was always the safe idea but Simon couldn't bake for the life of him. Sure, making mac and cheese was easy but cupcakes? Brownies? Cinnamon rolls? It was definitely too complex for his mediocre abilities.

Simon was lost in his thoughts to realise that someone was standing right in front of him until the person began snapping their fingers in front of his face. His eyes widened when he crashed into him, which surprisingly had turned out to be Ethan Payne. The short boy had a look in his face so menacing that Simon tried to turn away from him.

Ethan just grabbed him by the backpack so Simon gave up and turned around to face him. "What the fuck could you possibly want now?"

"Simon, come on, that's no way to treat an old friend!" Ethan said in a joking tone, establishing that he wasn't there to hurt him.

Simon just scoffed, not believing his attitude for a second. "Don't flatter yourself, you're not one."

The look on Ethan's face soured instantly but he didn't walk away or attempt to beat the living hell out of him, so it was fine. "Okay, I know they were awful, and I know I was an accomplice in everything. I just want to say I'm sorry"

Simon didn't want to believe him, he feared what would happen if he decided to trust him. He thought what would Harry do in his situation and nodded. Harry would've forgiven him in an instant if the apology felt genuine. "Fine, what do you want?"

"...It's just a small favour, can we talk somewhere more private though? I don't want anyone to overhear."

Simon nodded and followed him into an empty classroom. The hallways were vacant now, the bell had rand and everyone had gone to class. It made Simon's nerves be on point because now there would be no witnesses if Ethan randomly decided to murder him.

Ethan made himself comfortable and sat on a desk, before telling him his completely sane idea. "We're going to get payback."

Simon did not expect that at all. He wondered what the hell could've happened for Ethan to have the urge to do that "Excuse me, but we are going to do what?"

"Look, a few things may have happened and I'm now convinced they're the scum of the earth. You must hate them too so you have to help me."

Simon sighed. What could be going on in Ethan's brain? He was going to be roped into a stupid scheme which will probably make him end up half-dead in front of a Tesco's at four in the morning. "You know I haven't forgiven you yet, right?"

"Punch me in the face."

"What?"

"I said, punch me in the face." Simon gave him a look of bewilderment and Ethan sighed before explaining everything to him. "I was a twat okay, I admit it. Punch me in return, I won't fight back or anything."

Oh, it was his twisted way of setting things straight. Simon had never hated him, he had always thought of him as rather dumb instead. He would follow the other three like a blind sheep (or in Harry's words, shep) but had never been intentionally malicious to him.

Sure, he laughed when the other two were drowning him in the toilet but it Simon knew it wasn't genuine then. He was also the one who's demeanour hadn't changed after everything. Maybe he would give it a try.

"So I just punch you in the face?

Ethan nodded, waiting to take the blow. "Wait! If you do it, then you have to help me, it's non-negotiable!"

Simon had already decided that he was going to help him so he nodded. He didn't dare to tell him that he didn't know how to throw a punch but it didn't matter, it was better for Ethan anyway. He took a deep breath and punched him square in the nose before yelping in pain. "Holy fuck!"

"Pussy," Ethan said, wiping off the little bit of blood trickling down his nose. "I knew you couldn't punch but that was weak."

Simon just shook his head, he knew it had hurt Ethan, the guy just had an incredible high level of pain tolerance. It hadn't even been bad, he was just unexperienced. His hand still ached from it, it wasn't very nice, he probably wasn't going to punch anyone ever again.

Ethan had fell quiet again after he finished cleaning his face and Simon still had far too many questions left for him. He began with the simplest. "So?"

"So, what?"

"Well, after weeks of not talking, you just kidnap me, make me miss class and then punch you in the face. It's been a confusing ten minutes and you still haven't explained what the hell you want me to do. Care to do it now?"

"Well, we both have some, uh, issues with them, and we have to give them a little bit of payback," Ethan began and Simon just nodded, waiting for him to elaborate. "The plan is..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah it took me half a week more to post this but im finally finishing this book and i want the first chapters of the sequel to be ready when it does. also my best friend is moving tomorrow to go live in another fucking country so we're not vibing.
> 
> also ive been playing drv3 obsessively and holy fuck i love kokichi,,,, i also kin him now because we're both short evil lying bastards


End file.
